7 Tips on What Not to Do on Your First Date

First dates can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, especially when you're trying to make a great impression. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or you’ve had a few conversations online, there are certain things you should definitely avoid doing. These tips have been collected from my own experiences and the experiences of friends, and they’re aimed at helping you have a successful, enjoyable first date. Here are seven important things NOT to do on your first date.

1. Don’t Be Late—And If You Are, Let Them Know!

Time is important to everyone, especially when you’re meeting someone for the first time. Arriving late can give off the wrong impression, suggesting that you don’t respect the other person’s time or that you’re not very organized. So, make sure you give yourself enough time to arrive early or right on time.

If, for some reason, you’re running late, don't just show up with no explanation. Text your date to let them know you'll be a few minutes late. It’s always better to inform them ahead of time than leave them wondering where you are. A simple message such as, "I’m running a bit behind but I’m on my way! I’ll be there in 10 minutes," is courteous and shows that you respect their time.

Being punctual doesn’t just make a good first impression—it sets the tone for the rest of the date. After all, if you can't be timely on a first date, it might make your date wonder how reliable you’ll be in the future.

2. Put Your Phone Away—Unless It’s An Emergency

The rise of smartphones has made our lives more connected, but it’s also created a situation where people seem more interested in their phones than in the person sitting across from them. One of the most distracting things you can do on a first date is constantly checking your phone or texting someone else during the meal or conversation.

The first date is about getting to know the other person, so be sure to put your phone on silent or vibrate mode. If your phone does ring or buzz, excuse yourself briefly from the table. Politely explain that it’s an urgent matter and apologize for the interruption. But remember, don’t make a habit of checking your phone throughout the date. It signals that you're not fully invested in the conversation or the person you’re with.

Being present is key. Put away the distractions and focus on the person you're with—this will make them feel valued and respected.

3. Dress Appropriately—No Sexy or Revealing Attire

While it’s important to look your best, it’s equally important to dress in a way that shows you are serious about the date and have respect for the occasion. First impressions matter, and how you present yourself plays a big role in how your date will perceive you.

This doesn’t mean you need to go over the top or wear something too formal, but make sure you choose an outfit that fits the occasion. Avoid anything too sexy or revealing, as that could send the wrong message. A nice, clean, and well-fitting outfit shows that you made an effort without trying too hard. For men, that might mean a crisp shirt and clean shoes. For women, a nice dress or well-put-together outfit will do.

Keep in mind that first dates are about getting to know one another on a deeper level, and how you dress plays a part in that. Showing that you’ve thought about your appearance can go a long way in making a great first impression.

4. Stay Focused on the Other Person—Ask Questions and Be a Good Listener

It’s natural to want to talk about yourself, but a first date should not be an interview or a monologue. The key is to stay focused on the other person, making sure the conversation is balanced. Ask thoughtful questions that show interest in the other person’s life, hobbies, and experiences.

Be curious, but not intrusive. Avoid diving into personal subjects too soon, such as religion, politics, or past relationships. These topics can be sensitive and may make your date feel uncomfortable or defensive. Instead, keep the conversation light and fun—ask about their favorite travel destinations, what they enjoy doing in their free time, or what types of movies or books they love.

Good communication is about both speaking and listening. Make sure you give your date time to talk, and truly listen to what they have to say. This shows that you respect them as an individual and value their opinions.

5. Be Polite to the Waitstaff—and Tip Generously

How you treat others—especially people who are serving you—says a lot about your character. If you’re rude or dismissive toward the waiter or waitress, your date will likely notice, and it can leave a negative impression. Being polite, respectful, and courteous to everyone you interact with, especially the waitstaff, demonstrates good manners and an understanding of social etiquette.

On top of that, don’t forget to tip generously. Whether or not your meal was perfect, a reasonable tip is an indication of kindness and gratitude toward the people who are helping to make your experience enjoyable. A tip of 15-20% is considered standard, but if your service was exceptional, don’t hesitate to go above that.

Treating the waitstaff well shows that you are considerate, respectful, and compassionate—qualities that will definitely make your date think more highly of you.

6. Keep the Date Reasonably Short—Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

One of the biggest mistakes people make on a first date is staying too long, often oversharing too much personal information. The goal of the first date is to get to know each other in a fun and relaxed way, without going too deep too soon.

Aim for a date that lasts around two hours. This gives you enough time to talk and connect without the conversation running out of steam or becoming overly personal. If the date is going well, you can always extend it a bit—but avoid dragging it out for too long. The longer you stay, the more likely it is that you'll end up saying too much or sharing personal details you might regret.

By keeping the date short and sweet, you’ll leave your date wanting more, which increases the chances of a second date. If you find that the conversation is going well and there’s a natural flow, you can always suggest going for a walk or grabbing a coffee afterward to extend the experience.

7. For Men: Ask If She Wants to Meet Again—If You Like Her

If the date went well and you’re interested in seeing the person again, don’t hesitate to ask if they’d like to meet again. For men, it’s important to show interest and initiative, so asking about a potential second date is a good move. You don’t have to plan everything out on the spot, but a simple question like, “I had a great time tonight. Would you be interested in meeting again sometime?” will do.

Don’t pressure them into making a decision right away. If they need time to think about it, respect that. But showing that you enjoyed their company and want to see them again is a clear, positive signal that you’re interested in pursuing something further.

First dates are full of potential, and by following these seven tips, you’ll ensure that you present yourself in the best light possible. Remember, the goal is to create a genuine connection while being respectful, attentive, and considerate. Whether you’re meeting someone new through a dating app or through mutual friends, these simple steps will help you avoid common pitfalls and ensure that your date starts off on the right foot.

By being punctual, putting your phone away, dressing appropriately, focusing on the other person, being polite, keeping the date reasonably short, and asking for a second date if you like them, you’ll show that you’re thoughtful, serious about dating, and interested in building a meaningful connection. Good luck!