Commitaphobia Relationship Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Feb 14, 2016 at 10:28 AM

    I'm not sure this is spelled correctly, but I found out the hard way how real this is. I was in a store after recent 4 month relationship which I ended because of various mixed messages and finally confronting the fact that he will never be able to open up and allow a relationship to go deeper.  Doing this would have revealed what I found out from this book called "Men Who Can't Commit and What Smart Women Can Do" It could have been his story based on the limited personal information he gave me.  The book validated his behavior was exactly in line with facts  I found after reading.  He, along with many men & women experience this phobia of being trapped and panic.   There is always the fear, increased heart rate and everything related to panic attacks before they act on it.  Actions for them are a safety net such as staying on the online dating site to make him feel that he is still free even after after months of closeness.  They are usually very charming and little indication there is a big issue for a period of time. It doesn't surface until their mate displays they want more (either real or percieved) Just some of the symptoms or indicators that usually are associated with this are perfectionism,  disappearance from family, friends and relationship for months or years without any contact. He did this. They are absorbed with themselves, some are abusive. The person I was with would just talk for sometimes 15 minutes or more continuously without really saying anything.  Usually there is high commitment in their work ethics. There is so much more. I couldn't even completely finish the book; it made me feel sick because I walked right into it. There is help for the phobia, but it requires commitment and sadly most won't try. I just wonder if anyone has ever had this phobia and overcame it and would love to hear more.  For the one who became emotionally involved and ended up with hurt, it is not you. It is a sickness. I have learned how important it is to be clear up front always, and not let the emotional "feel good" euphoria cloud important facts and taking it very slow. Looking forward to hearing from you with any experience you have had with this.



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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 25, 2016 at 02:30 PM


     I understand what you are trying to articulate. I'm living a stressful life. For the last ten years my wife and I have been living as roommates. I have a panic attacks every morning. My will go for days without speaking to each other. 

    I have not had sex for about ten years. I have forgotten what it is like to have another person hug me. I need to find another person to live the rest of my life happy. I'm in the process of separation. 



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