Met someone online. He's really good to me. We've gone out 5 mos.He evoked, "I love you" and marriage first.We get along well. We're both in our 50's.WE enjoy one another's company a lot. Problem is, when I discuss marriage or him getting out of his lease early(he mentions this also)he changes the subject, or seems irritated. I am only adding his comments. He tells others we are getting married also. I am confused.
At our age, we have looked a long time to find ea other. Should I dump him, I feel like he is all talk and we will never go further. His last 2 relationships were 14 and 5 yrs. He never married either of them.
On NYE he had me wear this 3 carat wedding ring, "for the night only." He insisted I wear it.
Also, he promised we would go to So America and he delays it each month. Is he all talk? Please give only constructive advice.
There are many possible reasons why a man might do this. One is that he actually doesn't mean it. A second is that he is just very anxious and a third is that he is unable to plan so just procrastinates until someone else, usually a woman, organises the task for him. There are a lot of people who find complex planning difficult and as time goes on develop strategies to just avoid doing it.
Does he look anxious to you? is he anxious about other stuff? If so, counselling may help him to overcome his anxieties. If it's the third reason getting him to acknowledge it will be the hard part and then finding ways to assist him will be much easier.
I am sure there are other reasons too.Those were the 3 that sprang to mind.
I was married for 19 years, had four sons (who are all grown and moved out), after I was separated for about a year I met someone on LavaLife. Didn't live with him...was 15 mins away. He lied and cheated on me often. I'm not proud of that/myself. We had a bad breakup about two and a half years ago, after a (mostly toxic) 13 year relationship.
About two and a half months ago he text'd to wish me a 'Happy Belated 60th Birthday'. I was sooooo wary of his intentions. When I 'let down my guard, he turned on me (Christmas Eve)...telling me how many vile things I said when I left (actually, when he told me to "pack up all my bleeping s**t and get out...because I caught him in a lie). I only told a couple of people he reconnected with me because I know they'd all be so upset, after all he put me through.
I don't know where this is going but, I'm now texting with him again and feel we can actually be JUST friends...I still won't tell anyone...YET!!! I think I'm trying to say is, trust your instincts/gut/intuition....I didn't.
Wishing you and all the ladies on here the very best and may we find TRUE, GENUINE, HONEST LOVE/MEN!
I don't thnk you really need to ask anyone's opinion. You know in your heart that something does not feel right. Why would he have you wear a ring for one night? That would have sent me runnng,I would hae thought he was using me as a prop only he and the devil knows. He doesn't sound serious and there are a lot of con men out there and a lot of men that don't want you to get too close for some very good reasons. Thnk with your head not your heart. Listen the your intiuition,it's not as likely to let you down like your heart.
I would be like most the men...why buy the cow when you get the milk for free....well ladies, why buy the pig when he's all about giving the free sausage.....don't take the bait....it's not worth it...
"nothing is permanent and at the end it will be not about how much security you have acquired but more about the number of days you lived in satisfaction in each day"
The sad part is ladies will stick by the man, but in all honesty, if he's afraid of something permanent.....shut it down.....and get him out of your life......he's just using you.....
I realize I'm posting on very old topic's, However, I'm new here and like others questioning my frame of mind signing up for 3 months. The bottom line is, he , or she has to show up for life. If there is procrastination on either part without explination, or wanting to talk about it.chances are it just isnt going to happen. I'm still holding out for the one that steps up, no doubts, dive into life with me and just... show up for life... ;)..K
Looks to me like the economics haven't been sorted out at all. If he won't engage in serious and binding money discussions and mutually agreeable action (married or otherwise), and especially won't make good on a promise that will cost him some bucks, I'd say you are being taken for a ride. Won't even go into how tacky and superficial the ring thing was.
Maybe the problem is your attachment to marriage and all it's
expectations (ie. if I fall out of love with you I will suck it in out of loyalty), and then the divorce, which is not only stressful to say the least, but wait till the lawyers come into the picture to foster conflict and entitlement thoughts which, for some serve as revenge compensation for lost love.
Why not try living for each day in the full knowledge that nothing is permanent and at the end it will be not about how much security you have acquired but more about the number of days you lived in satisfaction in each day?