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I am a private detective. I have been hired by people who believed they were being scammed by people on dating sites - they were - and I am also a user of dating sites.
Naturally, I don't go near a real live date unless I verify for myself that the man is A) Real, and B) who he says he is.
But, most people don't have my skills or access to databases. Fortunately, there is a lot you can do yourself and for free here in the US.
First, people have to stop being intimidated by asking for the person's last name. I don't know when this became considered as rude, it's not. It's the opposite of rude. It is the number one answer every woman must get from a man before she goes on a date with him. Or, don't go.
Also, the subject has already told you where he lives....generally as in "I'm from / live in Blah Town" Luckily for us here here, all of our property records are online. Go to the county tax assessor website and run his name. If he owns a house, he'll be there. Remember, the county lists the legal owners of a property. So, if he's married, or even just owns the house with a girlfriend, it will be on the documents.
If he rents, obviously, that's a different story, however, you do can a lot with a real name.
There are a vast number of free people search databases, not those paid ones, that you can run him through; from simple verification to business verification. Once you have his business ID'd you can make a pretext phone call to verify his employment.
Photos. There are several reverse photo identification websites. A lot of people use their work photo on these dating sites. You can get a hit on their employment via their photo. There is also very factual metadata in photos that free sites can pull out, e.g. dates. If someone says this is a current picture, but the meta data says it was taken 10 years ago....another lie.
The point is, these sites are full of predators who are first looking for easy marks to con out of money. This is common. It's a job for them. I'm happy to say that I've ended several con jobs because some women smartened up and begin to feel that something was off a little and reached out to me. Then there are predators who want to hurt women.
If a woman can verify that the person is real and is not lying to her, then she has increased her physical safety on a date, and, she can use the information - that he's telling her the truth about himself - to evaluate him as a trustworthy person on a human level and thus maybe want to date him more. We have to be able to verify that we are going out on a date with a man who is what he says he is.
If these easy tools aren't enough, hire someone like myself who can do genuine due diligence on a person complete with criminal and financial history. Phone numbers are as unique now as social security numbers and we can reverse run a phone number to get a subscriber name. A small amount of prevention goes so very far in keeping us physically and emotionally safe from predators.
Have you ever received an e-mail or been favored by what appears to be the man of your dreams only to have him disappear? Don't take it too hard.
Stick with the verified profiles with photos, education, job, age and income (if you're lucky enough to catch their attention). If you must stray from verified, protect yourself by only meeting in a public place and exchange numbers.
Don't just hand your number to someone you don't know. Many times when they call, they black their number; it's not only unfair, it's a red flag! What is he (or she) hiding? Get their first, middle and last name then you have two options.
A reverse number check or a background check by name. If you google the full name and city, you will receive an option to do background search. Looking at a name, age and city match is free. These companies do charge a nominal fee for more information, like; previous addresses; criminal records; and bankruptcy. Reverse number searches won't give any info for free, but both types of searches offer very reasonable membership rates. If you are going to continue to date via the Internet, it's well worth the cost!!
By Sparkzz, Ohio, United States
Be cautious of posting pictures of yourself in front of your home that display your home address. All it takes is for someone to google your address and they can pull up your information.
By Creole_Cutie, Mississippi, United States
As we grow closer in a relationship hopefully we are building trust as well. but unfortunately there are people out there who have a criminal history that you need to know about. I check out everyone that I date not because I don't trust them, but because I value my family & my physical, emotional & financial safety. All you need to do is go to the criminal clerk's section at your local courthouse. Tell them the person's name & they will look it up & give you any files related to that person's criminal history for you to look at in a special room. Some counties this is done online, where you look up the person on a database and then request any relevant files from the clerk the same way. Either way, this is all a matter of public record. If they have a criminal history in that county, you will know now, & are one step closer to either trust , or a break.
By Curiosita, California, United States.
Although many people are completely real and above board we live in an age where many people start with and upload pictures of other people and use them on their online profile(s). We naturally want to believe (and without knowing it) we often assume that the picture on the page that we are looking at is the actual person who created the profile, this is of course not always true. Some people that do this are trying to shield their identity for privacy purposes and do look more or less like the person in the picture(s). Others are catfish bearing no true likeness to the image(s) they have selected for their profile.
So what do can we do about it, there are several things (if not more) that we can and should perhaps do? We can ask the person to verify their picture for instance. At the time of this writing the second to the bottom "wink" option reads: I'd like to get to know you better! Could you please verify your photo? If they have already verified their photo then you are more or less ahead of the game because that's much harder to fake. Another option is to perform an Image Search online.
This is fairly easily done and I have outlined the steps for you as follows:
First click on the desired image to make it larger. Next put your cursor on the border of the image and not yet on the actual image. Then press and hold the left click of your mouse and then just drag the cursor across your image. You will notice that it will become covered in blue highlighting. Once it is (you may need to practice several times to get a feel for it) simply touch and hold your Ctrl button of your keyboard (located in the far left on the very bottom) and just press the c (for copy) button of your keyboard.
Next begin addressing an email to yourself (this also gives you another record of it
that is easy to locate) and with the cursor on the body of the email simply press
and hold down your Ctrl key and press your the v key (v is for paste who knew, at
least it's right next to the c key). Now you should see the image in body of your
Simply send the email to yourself and open it up. Once you have it open you have the choice to either click on the arrow that you will see at the very bottom right hand corner of the image or right click on the image and you will see the option to save as. Select save as (you might as well give it an easy to remember name such as the person's profile name or whatever you want to) and hit the save button on the
Now that you image has been stored on the hard drive of your computer simple open up a new google tab and do a search in google for the the word "image" or the words "google images". You will see Google's image search link. Click on that and you will now see a google page that is almost totally normal looking with one exception. There is a little camera icon underneath the search portion located just to the left. Click on the camera icon and you will now see two options. Simply click on the one that says Upload an image.
Now click on the button that says Choose File and your computers images should appear in a moment or so (you may also begin to notice your hard drive spinning unless you have an SSD). Once your computers download window opens up you can scroll through your pictures to find the one that you are looking for or just type in the search bar for the name(s) or number(s)) that you used to save it (unless the name was created automatically, in any case you can do a search for it).
Once your image has been selected click on the open button at the right bottom of your computer's screen. Now your image will be uploaded into the google's image search and you can simply wait a moment for the magic to happen!
You will now be able to read and go through the search results for your image. Sometimes there is nothing to find and that's normally a good sign (even though of course it doesn't guarantee anything). Or you may discover a "new to you" celebrity (internet or normal) or you may have discovered a "new to you" model or an image from an image database.
Whatever you discover and whatever you find please remember to be kind and refrain
from saying getting upset or saying anything too unpleasant to your new prospective
partner. The best options are to dismiss it or move on or to ask them about it when
the time is right.
Here are a few comments in closing:
With a little practice saving pictures and doing searches will become easier and perhaps almost second nature to you.
There are other ways do save pictures and to do image searches, these are fairly easy and designed for this Website and also for people with PC Computers. your results can very and other Computers and Websites can be a little bit different to work with.
Rarely does a celebrity create an online dating profile but of course it can occur from time to time. If that what you find you may want to cross reference their age, height, location, sign and any information that you would like to.
Try not to base too much of your on any one fact that you find or don't find, sometimes the person is really who they say they are of course.
If you would like to you can search for alternate ways of doing any of this if you are inclined or you should the need arise (I don not work for google in any way and you may use another search engine if you wish too by all means).
This information is only meant to you help in possibly a small way on your journey to your lasting joy, love, use of this site and to your overall satisfaction!
I hope this information has assisted you in some way great or small!
As your conversation progresses, look for inconsistencies in their story. The longer one lies, the more likely one is to trip up and forget all the details of every lie they told. However, as you are taking in their story, you are mentally painting a picture. If they say they did something one day and then a few days later say they've never done the same thing, RED FLAG. Also keep in mind that if you DO catch them in a lie, chances are good that there are a lot more lies you didn't catch.--- Now........ here's a caveat to this Red Flag. Some people don't like to let virtual strangers know their lives right off the bat, which I understand. It's all about how they handle this that warrants studying. They can either be honest up front and tell you "baby steps", or they can lie creating a false life. The first is ok, the latter not so much. Once trust is lost, it is VERY difficult to get back. You need to ask yourself "why are they lying? What are they hiding?" A spouse? A "player" lifestyle? Worse? -- Yes, I've heard from women telling me that they were contacted by convicted felons with seriously scary offenses under their belts.
Go in with both eyes open, both ears alert. Trust your gut. If something doesn't seem right, ask them about it. Their reaction more than likely will tell you if they're real or not.
By Katkool,New York, United States
You don't have to be famous to be on Google these days. If you have any social media account chances are you are "Googleable". If you have a phone... you are Googleable. Have been divorced? Googleable. That said... if someone you're talking to is completely off the grid and there is NO trace of them, chances are they are using a fake name and identity. I'll go one step further and give you a personal experience: This woman said she lived in NYC. When we started talking she had apparently moved to Barcelona and had been in NYC working for her company. She had no Google footprint. I asked about her company. No Google footprint for them either. A few weeks later, POOF, she sends me a link to a website for her company with her listed as an engineer. Her ex husband, supposedly a race car driver - no Google footprint. The story gets weirder, but to cut a long story short she hadcreated the work website to "sell" me on her identity. The company never existed. To this day I have no idea who she really is or what her story and ultimate goal was. There were so many red flags and lies that I caught her in that I EVENTUALLY made the right decision of cutting ties.
By Katkool,New York, United States
Before meeting someone in person exchange personal email addresses and telephone numbers. Verify these are actual addresses/phone numbers. After obtaining that information tell a close friend/family member where they could find that information if necessary. This will provide a "paper trail" in case of an emergency. Legitimate dates will give this information if they're serious about you anyway.
By Brad49, Florida, United States
Most people have free times and periods during the holiday and would probably vacation somewhere outside their territories. It is really important that you'd be really clear about what you want and not raise people's hopes beyond what you can actually give. I know sometimes you meet this really great person and you don't want it to end but it is quite unfair to that other person to expect that you'd be there or more when you know clearly that you can't and wouldn't be. It pays to be honest, you'd be surprised that there are really great people out there that want same thing as you do. So, if it's fling or an affair or just plain companionship you want for that period of time, say so. Be clear, be honest and be true. Good luck finding whatever it is you're searching for.
By mz_phiola, Ohio, United States
Dating during the holidays can be challenging. Most people have had their own holiday rituals while growing up or in past relationships. This can bring up good and bad memories and possibly bring on some mood swings. Remembering happy times, sad or disappointing times, which can all lead to false joy or even depression.
If you've already been dating someone, then continue during the holidays if it works out for you both, but be flexible with the added pressure holidays can bring. Be open to new ideas or taking a break during busy times if needed.
It is not a good time to meet the children of the person you are dating. Save that for a time when there is less stress and you are more comfortable in your relationship. If you are just starting to date someone, it may be beneficial to take a break during the holidays and reconnect when there isn't so much going on. Holidays day be a wonderful time of year. Focus on what makes you happy and feels good not on the person you're dating to bring you fulfillment.
By CeCe70, California, United States
By burtonduluth, MN, United States
Since the holidays are a time of gathering, you may think that you must spend as much time possible with the person you're seeing and their families. You should not think in this sense. You may contribute time to spend with your date, but keep in mind that you, along with them, have families and others whom they must also specially interact with during the holiday seasons. Key is to spend equal amounts of time to both your date and you loved ones and never to leave one behind the other
By VenomRavess, Ontario, Canada
If you are starting a new relationship with someone and have only been dating for a few months--do not be discouraged if your significant other does not invite you to spend the holiday with his/her family. Some people are very wary about introducing
their family to a new person especially someone they have only known for a few months. If more than 6 months has passed and you are still not being invited to Holidays with the family, then be concerned. Ask him/her what is holding them back, but never make them choose between you and their family.
By kelly1023 , Missouri, Kansas, United States
When planning a first or second meeting with a person around holidays remember: even if you aren't busy with shopping, cooking, or family and work events, many others are. It is a tough situation for some to spend the holidays alone, but don't expect a person of interest to be able to concentrate on you with so much going on during holidays. You may be setting yourself up for disappointment if you didn't get the attention you feel is needed to make a decision about him or her.
For example: calling somebody unexpectedly to set up a date on the same afternoon on Christmas Eve may not be a good idea. They may have family obligations or last minute rushing around to do. They may accept the date because they don't want to miss out on a chance with you, but it may be rushed or impersonal due to timing.
It also may place a certain degree of stress or uneasiness on your date because ofpressures of the possibility of an unknown expectation of gift giving or invitation to a party or family gathering your date may have planned. Itcan cause hurt feelings with both of you and may destroy something that could have been avoided.
By everafter, Indiana, United States
If you have just started dating that special someone and are worried that you have to be with their family for the holidays, you shouldn't worry about it. It is very common for dating couples to spend the holidays with their own family. You just be able to accept that you may not be able to spend the holidays together. There is no reason why either of you should have to be away from your own family during the holidays. You just have to know that it may happen and be prepared for it. It is only one holiday in a lifetime of holidays. If it is causing a problem, you can always decide to leave one party early to go to the other side of the family's party. This is one of many compromises you will have to make over your relationship. You could also try to see if one side of the family could have a lunch and the other side have a dinner so you both could attend both parties. This does take a lot of consideration for the other people in both families to change their plans to accommodate you but you could always ask. Just know that it is not the end of the world, or the relationship, if you don't spend a holiday together. You can always make it up some how.
By NudistGuy82, San Marino, CA, United States
1. Keep your promises!
2. Be honest, girls hate being lied to
3. Tell her exactly how you feel don't hold back; she'll love it
4. If she seems tired, kiss her and say shes beautiful
5. Trust that she will be faithful to you
6. When you go in for the first kiss go SLOW don't scare her
7 Anything romantic you want to say to her don't say it over the or email say it to her in person it will mean so much more to her
8. When you want to tell her I love you, say it to her while looking into her eyes
9. Hug her from behind with your arms around her waist
10. Tip her chin up with your finger to kiss her
11. Be romantic for no reason
12. Understand that shes not always going to agree with you
13. Don't cling to her, she wants independence
By pfcbarnes60, Florida, United States.
Dating for introverted personality types is often intimidating because love relationships - especially new ones - often require huge amounts of energy. When you're an introvert in the singles scene, you're often required to make small talk with unfamiliar people, get out of your comfort zone, and make the first move. This can be challenging for introverts!
But, being a single introvert doesn't have to be painful, and marriage for introverts isn't an impossible goal. Millions of introverted people enjoy wonderful love relationships, especially when they and their partners truly understand one another. Knowing how introverts communicate is a huge step toward creating strong bonds.
By the way, love between extroverts and introverts love isn't impossible -- it can be romantic, gentle, and rewarding! If you're interested in dating someone with extroverted personality traits, you may find Introverts and Extroverts in Love helpful.
by pieter, Gauteng, South Africa .
When you really care about someone it can be important to make your first night together something special. The days and hours leading up to that monumental, "first time" can be the source of a great deal of excitement but it can also be the source of a bit of anxiety for some people too. You only get one first night together and it is up to you to make it romantic and meaningful for both of you.
Invest in Sexy Lingerie
Some sexy lingerie can go a long way on your first night together.
Shut Out the World
Your first night together is not a time to have friends drop by, work emergencies come up, or some urgent matter with the family to come up.
Pull the Old Rose Petal Trick
Rose petals have long been associated with romance and sex.
Create the Right Ambiance
Ambiance is everything when it comes to making your first night together a romantic and memorable one.
By clc114, Maryland, United States
1. Why should I remind you that "I love you?" I already told you once.
2. I'll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
3. I hate arguing with you. I'd much rather find a compromise.
4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
5. When you speak softly, I can't help but listen.
6. I need to be told "no" sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
7. Please don't ask me how you look unless you're willing to trust my answer.
8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
9. When you're happy with me I can't help but want to please you.
10. If I don't feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.
11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
13. I'm scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she'll take advantage of me.
14. If you can't stand up to me when I'm a brat, you're too weak for me to open up to when I'm upset.
15. Sitting quietly next to me after you've made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You'll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I'm considering leaving you.
17. I don't read minds. Remember, I'm not a girl.
18. You may know fashion, but I wish you'd dress to please me, not other women.
19. If I'm losing my hair, it's not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.
21. The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.
22. You look hot in a dress.
23. I hate being told what to do when I don't ask for help. It makes me feel you're my mother.
24. If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I'm less motivated.
25. During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.
26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you're married!?
27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don't let yourself go.
31. When I'm upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..
32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me what to stop giving them.
33. I'm more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
34. I don't always know how I feel. That's why I don't tell you.
35. I don't need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory - Go with my actions, that will always tell you what's in my heart.
37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).
38. I really don't want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.
39. If I don't share what I'm thinking it's because I don't think you will listen without interrupting.
40. I don't like to argue and I don't like to guess what's wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.
41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it's a Freudian thing.
42. Don't ask me, "Are you going to wear that?" when I'm already dressed.
43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
44. If you don't believe you're pretty, you won't believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
45. It isn't how much you weigh; it's that your body is proportionate which is so attractive.
46. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don't take them seriously and I don't want to share them with you (or anyone).
47. Sometimes you really don't want to know what I'm thinking. See above.
48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
49. I don't remember everything about our relationship and that doesn't mean I don't love you.
50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I'm upset so that I don't say something I will regret.
By friendsforum, Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Do your man ever complain that you and he do the same thing in bed all he time or he sometimes go to sleep when you are in the mood. well! ladies its not all about you, when you are in a relationship with a man you love. we know that men love strip clubs, nasty freaky girls and sex. so if he is satisfying you i think its your turn.
1. Dress up. Nude is good but silk and lace is sexy.
2. Toys can be fun if my man is at a strip club every weekend. I would get a pole in my house or give a nice lap dance.
3. Romantic, candles and slow music always set the mood.
4.More foreplay. sex is great, but when you have longer foreplay that makes the sex even better with your partner.
5.Now ladies, some of us say "we don't do it", "its nasty" or my favorite on" you pee out of that" don't be selfish we do more then pee.
6.Different position is always fun. the more you try I believe the more talkative you are.
7.Role playing. Bringing out each other fantasies is also a great way on communication.
8. My last advice.. Never be to shy , play it safe and have fun with it. If you love that man you would want to keep him.
By nikkipink, New York, United States
1) Decide how you want to spend your romantic trip.
— You can spend a romantic vacation alone, just the two of you, sea, sand, and luxury apartments. For this ideal island. You will be accommodated on a separate island in a Bungalow. Staff will come once a day, and the rest of the time no one will.
2)Great for a romantic vacation will be a choice of cruise on a luxury liner or yacht. Cruises are river, sea and ocean. On a river cruise you can see the country from — If you are young and want adventure. You can go to an exotic country where you can observe wild animals live, to enjoy a beach holiday, diving and fishing on marine fish.
— You are very romantic and beach vacation is not for you. Visit such places as Venice, France. Tour of the most romantic cities with beautiful old castles. Go to the places where were filmed a lot of movies about love and feel the characters.
— If you just want to relax without a tour. Just select the best hotel on the coast, where nothing need to worry. Enjoy the sea, sand beach, southern nature (it is in all the resort areas are very beautiful) and each other.
3) You take a country where to go on a romantic trip.
— It is best to go where you've never been. To make your romantic trip a memorable occasion for new experiences with your boyfriend. The choice of country will depend on how you want to spend a romantic journey..
— Find out what's the weather in your chosen country at the time of your journey. In the summer almost every country is warm and the winter selection of countries with good weather is much limited.
4) If you arrange your romantic trip without help of travel agencies. Come up with a cultural program.
— Read about the selected country. Find out about the interesting attractions.
— Select the most interesting city.
— Find out what excursions are offered.
— At some resorts hold a pretend wedding on the beach (don't forget to bring your wedding outfits)
— You can order a photo session in front of the sea, amid the blooming gorgeous colors of the trees. Beautiful pictures you provided.
5) Arrange a date where you will be able to get to know each other better.
By ElinaLehmann, Moskva, Russia