MEMBERS' DATING ADVICE & SAFETY TIPS (1,400+)

The most comprehensive dating tips in the world!
  • The difference between death and divorce

    While we've all experienced the end of a romantic union, in one form or the other, it is imperative to be aware of the unique challenges facing a widow/widower.

    Regardless if it was a two month or twenty year union, sensitivity is a must. Actively listen and be open to sharing your new found relationship with the memory of his or her deceased partner. If children are involved be aware that you may initially be viewed as an interloper. Trying to "compete" is the ultimate saboteur. Nothing is more unattractive than insecurity, especially when it is due to circumstances beyond your potential partners control.

    The ability to love and commit has most likely been proven on their part. Speaks volumes. Embrace the possibilities.

    By BeautifulKind, Georgia, United States

  • What lessons are learned from "boyfriends past"?

    Let's have some fun today and play a game of multipal choice. Complete this sentence: "If I ran into my ex boyfriend, (fill in his name), I would:
    a) run the other way.
    b) kick him in the balls and say (as he doubles over) "Good! That doesn't even come close to how much you hurt me! Rat Bastard!"
    c) give him a "death look" and say, "I curse the day you were born!"
    d) smile thinly and wait for him to talk first.
    e) look him in the eyes and offer a sincere warm greeting, "It's good to see you. How are you doing? I can't believe it's been so long!"

    Now there is no right answer, but there is a "best one" Hint: which of these things is not like the other. You guessed it, choice "e".

    Now let's examine why. Although choice "a" (run the other way) might make you feel good at that moment, however, you are actually avoiding the situation, which you might regret later. If you are like most of us, you will run the moment over in your head, recalling what you would have said, playing versions of the conversation over and over in your mind. Too exhausting! Where is the fun in that?

    Choice "b" (kick him in the balls) Bad choice all the way around. First, while it might be a knee jerk reaction (pun intended), there runs the risk of a law suit if you inflict any physical damage! Now who has who by the balls??? Second, he will see that you're still in pain from the relationship and have not moved on. You will look like a victim....not so good!

    Choice "c" (saying "I curse the day you were born.") see above, second part.

    Choice "d" (waiting for him to talk first) Here, you give him the cue to set the tone of the conversation. By not opening the conversation, you end up saying a lot! It says to him that you have not resolved things. If his opening line is less than positive, it could set you on the path of negativity.

    Now, I'll get to choice "e" in a minute...just keep your pants on! My point is (and there is a point) that in order to have a healthy attitude after a break-up, one must change their point of view. You must become empowered to look at the situation as a learning opportunity. I'll explain.

    You see, no one held you captive in each of your past relationships...you entered into them willingly and stayed willingly. You made the decision to be with that person and remain in the relationship, even when all of the signals were there telling you to leave it. Why would you be angry with him? You could have left any time you wanted to. Your head screamed "get out!", but your heart whispered, "just give it another try, after all..."

    Disclaimer: Now I am referring to a typical relationship, not one where physical or mental abuse is involved..that is a whole different situation where I am not qualified to touch on.

    Having said that, the time we spend with others is of our own free will. We must own our regrets for staying in too long. We must own our regrets for even starting the relationship at all. Having ownership of these feelings empowers us to do things differently. We can make better choices. We have the power to do so! We are the chooser.

    Example: I once dated a man (actually several men, but who's counting ) who made it clear that he did not want marriage any time soon, as he had just finished a divorce a year prior. Gavin (not his real name, but I LOVE that name) stated his "not marriage ready" status verbally and sent his message through his avoidance of the topic. I spent nearly a year with him and became impatient that I had no ring, but was asked to move in...for the "shack up", which I refused to do without a commitment of marriage first. When I told him this, he scoffed and said, "You know I have been married and that's just not where I see myself now." I was dumbfounded! After all, we spent nearly 12 blissful months together and he said he loved me. I broke it off and, well, that was that. I am pretty final that way.

    For years, I remained angry with him and thought the time we spent together was a waste! If I were to run into him again by chance, I would have waited for him to talk first, then silently cursed the day he was born!

    Several more years went by, the emotions settled, and at some point, I looked at the situation logically and with a healthy set of goggles. I realized that Gavin was a nice person, we had a lot of fun and I know he did love me. He gave me all he was capable at that time. He stated his intentions clearly, but I was sure my sweet and caring...often daring ways would sway him. They did not. So why be mad at him?? I chose to stay in even when he stated his place.

    Since that experience, I entered onto several more relationships, and always openly asked what my potential partners intentions were and LISTENED! I drew from that relationship with Gavin, and in relationships to follow, looked for a marriage minded man who had his class, incredible sense of humor and who treated me as wonderfully as he did. I leveraged that relationship by taking the best of it and setting new standards for myself.

    I became empowered!

    Now, back to choice "e". About 7 years after Gavin and I split, I looked him up and wanted to see how he was. He was married and I was in a long term relationship. We were both in happy places. When we saw each other, not only did I offer a warm greeting, but I thanked him for the time we spent together and let him know it had a real impact on me in a positive way. For some reason, perhaps it was the weight of holding on to these thoughts in for so long, tears were flowing from my eyes as I spoke. It was a sort of cleansing I imagine. Gavin had no clue that I was overflowing at that moment because I realized that my pattern of harboring grievances for "boyfriends past" was over, and that these were tears of joy. Who cares. We parted ways again.

    The moral of this long story is this: Realize that YOU are empowered to make choices in all of your relationships. Own your choices and look at everyone that comes into your life as a gift for that moment. They may not be a part of your life for the duration, but they might possible be there to help you learn lessons about yourself that could change your life.

    As a personal challenge, take a look at your past few relationships and search for the good. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about others? Challenge yourself to take that experience, flip it around in your mind, and view it as one precious point in time that you wouldn't change for the world.

    By Larisa_V, Kyyiv, Misto, Ukraine

  • You are single again...not dead!

    Right after you break up you will feel like you want to just crawl into a hole and die. This is not the answer. You should take a little bit of time feel your normal break-up depression and self loathing but you have to get back out there and start dating again. When you do start dating again, do not go out there and start every conversation with how your ex screwed you over or how much you hate them. Also don't talk about how wonderful they were either. That is all in the past. You need to look ahead into the future and live for today and beyond. Go out there and enjoy being single. Have some good times and you don't have find that special someone right away. It will take some time to find them, but in the meantime just enjoy the company of others. It can be practice for when you do find that special someone.

    By JohnBoy131Long Beach, California, United States

  • 11 helpful tips for ladies after the first date

    1. Always look great, whatever your income. Gorgeous hair and some lipstickwith rags will still turn his head. You have the advantage. You are the woman. Look your best as you could meet a potential Mr. Right anywhere at any time.

    2. Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild. Keep dates brief, but your men interested. Less is always more. Try and stay in shape and involve some fitness regime at a gym. However much you hate it, your Mr. Right loves your body as much as your mind.

    3. Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab. Ensure you receive flowers. If he doesn't know what a florist is, dump him.

    4. Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything. Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.

    5. Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying. If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday. Weekend shopping trips with girlfriends are sacred and not available for dates. Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.

    6. Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.

    7. Never ever talk about previous boyfriends, particularly their prowess in the bedroom. Your ex-boyfriends are your business only.

    8. Never assume anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking. If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity, run like the wind. Life is too short for boys. If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace, dump him.

    9. Never talk too much about your father and how your date measures up in comparison. Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

    10. Never ever come across as too available or too desperate. He will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing. If the guy in the corner is gorgeous, go get him and create the need in him for you.

    11. Never wait for men to come to you because you may watch him leave with someone else. You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on. If you want a child, don't mention it on the first few dates.

    By gorgeous8896 , Colorado, United States

  • 5 useful tips after the first date

    1. Be open at the end of the date if you like that person.

    2. Don't be hard on yourself.

    3. Show up with a surprise in hand of some sort. I would suggest waiting approximately 3 days before calling back to ask them out again.

    4. Don't let them know where you are going and let it be somewhere where it's dim lit and you can get to know each other better. The less distraction around you the better that way you can keep yourself focused on the other.

    5. Have fun and lower your expectations so you won't get let down so easy if it's not going that great.

    By Kris1247, Alabama, United States

  • A couple of things to do to lock down a second date.

    After you have gone out and had a wonderful first date, there are just a couple of things you need to do to ensure you can locked down a second date if you choose. First and foremost don't play games. If you had a great time and want to see him / her again call or text no more than 4 hours after the first date ended. It will show him / her that you are interested, you don't play games, you aren't afraid of taking the next steps and he / she is a priority to you. Throw all of the 72 hour rules out of the window and go with how you feel. Someone who is looking for a real relationship will not want to play games and will want to hear from you sooner than later. Keep in touch after the first date every day with the person you are pursing and let them know you are thinking of them. Do not play games, do not delay your response time if they reach out to you. Be authentic in your communication and let him / her know you are interested.

    By sarahsmith19, Arizona, United States

  • Checklist after the first date

    Okay, The first date is over and all the butterflies and jitters of being nervous have left the building. Now, let's take out the grade book.

    How did the person make you feel? Be honest with yourself!
    How do you think you made them feel? Be humble!
    Was there mutual communication flow? Maybe you are shy or they are as well. Take this into mind.
    Ask yourself: Do I want to see this person again? Is there more to the story? Are they my usual go know where relationship? Are there any phrases or words they used that raised red flags?

    All in all, are they worthy of your time? You have to know your worth. Good luck!

    Contributed by SemperAlan, Ohio, United States

  • Critical Timing: The First 48 Hours

    So, you've just had the time of your life with the man of your dreams.Or maybe the date was satisfactory, even a little awkward, perhaps you didn't plan well enough, nerves may have crept in, but you feel there is something there and things went well enough that you're hoping to see him again to continue gauging your connection. Remember! Simply because you didn't see fireworks, hear angels singing, or fly out of your chair with butterflies, does not mean that the two of you don't have potentially great chemistry! Often these reactions can take a little time.

    So, what do you do now? Well, unless you're looking to turn into lover-boy's occasional booty call, then you go home! By all means, look him in the eye, tell him that you had a wonderful time; that you would really like to get to know him more. Perhaps inquire when he is free for the next rendezvous (but don't despair if you can't nail down a date) squeeze his arm and kiss that handsome man good night.

    You did it! You're home. Giggle. Fantasize. Breathe. Now here comes the hard part: let him breathe, too. Do not blow up his phone, resist the urge to make sure he is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about him. Send him ONE polite message, be gracious but brief, thank him for a lovely time. Be honest, were you nervous, were you pleasantly surprised at his (appearance, demeanor, humor, fitness, intelligence) then say so, compliment him! Then wrap it up! Good night, sweet dreams, what have you.

    Now put your phone down. Walk away. Go take a shower, settle down for the evening, put a movie on, or focus on some work or a good book. Stay off your phone. If he doesn't reply, do not overthink it, if he saw your message and he was busy, you probably put a sweet smile on his face but he couldn't reply right at that moment. He is a man, if he didn't reply right away he may forget to reply altogether, but you are on his mind, don't fret.

    But what if he did reply? If he replied immediately, bidding you good night and returning the sentiment... Rejoice! Now put your phone back down. What if he asked you something that requires a response? Reply appropriately, perhaps you can nail down that date, but don't be pushy. If he responds much later, then hold your response for the next day.

    When you respond or message him the next day be cautious about texting too early or too late, be sweet, flirty, classy, and gracious. Avoid discussing anything with any negative context, you may inadvertently put him into a foul or stressed mood which he may subconsciously associate with you. Plant a sweet thought in his head, did you cook something amazing for lunch, do a friend a favor, or something thoughtful for a random stranger? No? Well, damn, girl.. how about this week? Casually mention this act to him. Leave him yearning to be in your favor, wanting to be that special person you do thoughtful things for. Now, again, back to you, back to work, school, your workout, and let him finish out his day.

    That evening, take a functional picture of yourself, something while you're busy with some sort of project, not just a selfie. This will remind him that, while you are a beautiful woman, you are more than just a pretty face. When you send it to him, provide a cute explanation of what you're up to and tell him you hope he has a great evening. Men are incredibly visual and he will likely look at that photo twenty or thirty times, remembering each time that you took it while thinking of him and only for him. Maintain this cheerful, sweet scarcity, leave him wanting just a little more of you each time.

    The next evening, when you know he is home and not busy, text and ask if he can talk or call you. When you get him on the phone, be flirty, but not overly sexual, maybe you "just wanted to hear his voice." Try not to dominate the conversation, let him lead; he's a man, make him feel like a man. Ask his advice on something you know he excels at, if it's a hands on project (all the better), coyly ask if he'd be willing to give you hand sometime with this project. Even if you know you could do this yourself, be the damsel; let him puff his chest and come to your rescue. Let him be the man. As you get ready for bed, get a snuggled in and, yes, take a selfie. Don't be overtly sexual, but look inviting. When you send it, be sweet, and mention your phone conversation and how much you appreciate him. "So sleepy, glad I got to hear your voice :-) thank you so much. Sweet dreams, handsome."

    You've done it! 48 hours later and you should have a next date on the books and he probably can't wait to see you!

    Things haven't gone the way you'd hoped? Don't fret, maintain your sweet demeanor but remain scarce. If you start becoming pushy then you will just appear desperate, only to be followed up with crazy. He may be incredibly busy with work and the last thing he needs is some woman he went on one date with blowing up his phone with inquiries.

    Stay classy. Just because he hasn't fallen head over heels for you does not mean that you need to tear your hair out asking yourself "Why?" Live your life, hit the gym, go out with your girls, maybe talk to someone new, take your mind off him. He may come to a week later or he may never, maybe he didn't realize he's not as emotionally or physically available as he originally thought he was. Perhaps things just didn't align just right on both sides? Big deal! You're amazing and you wouldn't want settle for someone that doesn't treat you like a goddess the same way you want to adore him, anyway, right? Laugh it off. Next!

    By SognareDonna, Oregon, United States

  • Date follow-up is really a requirement for every date

    Well you've survived the fearful first date, now what? Well now is when it really all begins. Perhaps you had a great time and you believe you've found a match. Or you were not so pleasantly surprised and wonder how you are going to get out of this situation. Either way, the date doesn't really end at that cute cafe you so carefully chose. The ending (or beginning) is really your follow-up to the famous first date.

    Let's say just said goodbye and you are thrilled you met this perfect person. You really like them and want to know if they reciprocate your feelings. Well, men and women handle this quite differently. Even in our modern world, there are some typical expectations you may want to consider. For example after the date, a woman expects a phone call and a man expects a thank you. A woman might get away with a short thank you text message or even email shortly after the date. But she should keep it very short and briefly mention one thing they liked most about the date. This is common courtesy, it doesn't mean you are committing to a long term relationship, it just means you have good manners.

    Men on the other hand have to follow another route; I think the best etiquette requires an actual phone call. Whoever started the rumor that men need to wait two or three days before they call definitely don't know women. This is the worst thing a man can do. No woman wants to know you have put her on the back burner. The date follow-up call should happen no later than the next day. Again, keep it short and sweet. But remember this call is when you will know if you just had a first date or a last date. Listen carefully to the signs and be polite if they are not what you expected.

    Date follow-up is really a requirement for every date, even when you didn't feel the earth move under your feet. There are many reasons for this. First of all, it shows you are a classy person with good manners. Next, perhaps a romantic relationship doesn't inspire you but a friendship is also as valuable and you have this option available if you act decently. And finally, you never know if this person has a friend that might be your match. Never close doors and never forget that it's all about saying what you mean but not saying it "mean". If you are not feeling the earth move under your feet, be up front, but be polite and kind. If you are feeling the earth move but the other person isn't handle the pink slip with style and class.

    By Prismclover, Florida, United States

  • Don't Create Illusions

    If your first date is absolutely amazing, that's fantastic! After the first date, honestly think about both pros and cons and structure the second date to better understand the gaps noted during the first date. Most people fixate on the pros and create an illusion of the person they are dating by excluding the cons. Just remember that dating is about getting to know the person on the other side of the table. So listening and observing is key!

    tami28, Illinois, United States

  • Don't Sweat

    A foolproof way to ensure that conversation will always be flowing is to simply ask questions. Keep them semi-general: Ask about work, her family, her hobbies, pop culture, her favorite music. Four things to not ask her about? Politics, religion, her exes, and how much cash she pulls in.

    By Anonymous, Bagdad, KY, U.S.

  • Don't play games - let her know you're interested when you decide you are!

    The 3 day rule should be broken, and taken out of play. If you had a good time with a woman, let her know! Who knows, maybe some other guy is going to sweep her off her feet within those three days, leaving you in her memory. Some women will text the man they went out with within hours. This makes you feel decent, right? Well, as long as she isn't professing her love after one encounter, making you want to run for the hills... If you are interested in seeing her again, let her know the moment you decide! Most women don't like to play games. Leave those for the times you spend together.

    By hannameher, WA United States

  • Don't share first impressions to friends

    After your first date don't go back to your friends and share all the secrets of this new person. Otherwise their first impression of this person is 2nd hand and they will go off your vibe. Instead if you like the person, once you bring them around your friends they can make their own first impression. I find this work better so that I don't scare my friends one way or the other towards or away from someone.

    By Nichole72, CA, United States

  • Don't sleep together on the first date - allow your kindred spirit to grow!

    Speaking from experience money is a great motivator and temptation. Just because you have it or someone your dating has it doesn't mean you always use the best discretion in dating someone.

    If the person is right for you believe me you will know. Don't settle your standards in what you are seeking in a person. If your serious about settling down with someone don't try to get lay on the first date. It sends a message that sex is all you are interested in and you both never really establish a kindred spirit. You know instantly if there is chemistry between you both at first site but that isn't enough to make a relationship last. Even if you just end up being friends trust me you want to know who you are sleeping with.

    Another tip make sure your friend, family member knows the location where your date is suppose to meet you, the time and the person's your meeting info. Have in place a certain time to call that person to let them know how the date is going. You never can be too safe. Never give out your address where you live or have someone met you at your home. Keep it public. Talk, email, text, chat to the person for at least a couple of weeks before meeting them in person to weed out the nuts!(lol)

    Most of all be yourself and have fun. Dating is suppose to be a good experience not a trail and tribulation. Remember there is someone for everyone in life. Keep true to your dreams!

    By DESIREDDOMME, Illinois, United States

  • Getting that call after the first date

    If you're anything like me, that first date is really nerve-wracking, but what's even worse is the hours just after that first date. Constantly running everything through every moment on that date and wondering how you did. More often than not, they're doing the same thing. The biggest mistake I make? Calling them quickly. Easiest thing to do to get that call for a second date?

    Leave the first date with the, "we'll see what happens" attitude. Nothing intrigues people more than the possibility that a second date may not happen. Admittedly, it's a risky move, because they may not call you. I'd say the success rate is definitely over 50%. If they know that you will agree to a second date without any hesitation, they'll know they already have you on the hook. Things end up working out in your favor more if you play it "aloof."

    People like a challenge, don't play hard to get only up until the first date. I'd say continue that feeling for at least another two dates after that.

    Try it out next time. It's easy to tease a little about not getting the first date, but usually after that first date you're so eager to see them again you drop all pretext. Keep it up! Get that call.



    By: Contributed by TheOneTheOnly, Washington, United States
  • How to do the next day after the first date

    The next day after a date, send a text or email saying thank you for the date. Nothing huge, just a note to let the person know you enjoyed your time with them. And if you truly feel it's not going to go further than the first date, be friendly and firm and let the person know your thoughts. Nothing's more frustrating than waiting to see if you "made the cut" or not. Be polite in all you do! It makes us all better people.

    By Anonymous, Oregon, United States

  • How to follow up after the first date

    So you've had a really great time on your first date and have decided you would like to see the other person again.

    For a gentleman I think it is a nice touch to ask the girl to let you know she got home safely. Pay her a sweet compliment that will leave her smiling as she goes to sleep.

    For a lady, maintaining your charm is all important to keeping his interest. Let him know that you enjoyed the date and would like to see him again.

    In follow up calls, emails or texts allow yourself to express your interest in the person but don't go over the top, lest you scare your date. Leave it a day or two before requesting to see the other person so as to maintain the image of being cool, calm and collected.

    By Brightandsassy, England - London, United Kingdom

  • How to text the guy after a first date

    If, a couple days after a first date, the guy has not made the initial post-first date contact, the girl can text about something that reminded her of him. If he loves pomegranates, she could text, "Went to grocery store today, saw pomegrantes and thought of you. Hope you're having a good day," Or a song, color, food, activity / sport, celebrity...whatever is something personal that he had mentioned. This allows a girl to make contact with a personal touch, without being pushy.

    By StoryTeller2900, Maryland, United States

  • How to use your phone apps to spot scammers?

    There are lots of scammers, including real people from the US.

    On the site, someone gives you his email or telephone number, you would like to call him or her, but nobody picks up the phone, or you reach directly a voicemail. Well, it's likely to be a scammer or someone using a second phone number (there are lots of free apps for these).

    If you would like to know more about this person, you can use the help of facebook, instagram, skype and twitter apps that you have on your phone. Every apps is linked with each other, and it is linked through the phone number.

    In each app, there is an option to know if your friends are on those apps, use it! Every one has facebook and instagram these days. The facebook, instagram profile on the person you're talking to would be shown in those apps.

    If you have too many friends and you can't tell who is the person you're checking on, you can already check your friends that are already on those apps. Then you have the person number. The new profile that would show is this person facebook or instagram account.

    You would know if the person is genuine about who they say they are.

    By JohannNL, Midi-Pyrenees, France

  • If along the line you are not accepted by your date, please see it as a sign that the best is yet to come and move on

    Rejection is direction. If along the line you are not accepted by your date I advise you see it as a sign that the best is yet to come and move on. From experience, rejection is truly direction because you'll end up dating a personality that outdoes the date that failed you. Fact is sun don't shine until night has passed it's time. Similarly you may want to hold on to that one that you think is right for you but that leaves you in the dark. Let the moon pass so you'd see the light. Don't stop at the middle of the tunnel because that's not the end of the road. The light is right ahead of you at the end of the tunnel. So focus on getting a date that will do you right not make you feel rejected, because in that rejection comes the rainy days just after dry season.

    By AngyWarre453, Georgia, United States

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