MEMBERS' DATING ADVICE & SAFETY TIPS (1,400+)

The most comprehensive dating tips in the world!
  • Is it OK to date a friend's ex?

    This is a tricky topic and while many people have strong feelings against this (never! friends come first!), I think there are some gray areas to be considered. Ask yourself some questions and really think about what it would mean for you and for your friend. First of all, is your friend OK with it? How close a friend is he/she?

    Do you feel strongly enough about this person to make it worth bring it up with your friend and risk him/her being angry at even being asked? Who ended the relationship? How long ago was it? How serious was the relationship and how long did it last? You will probably hear varying advice on this from different people, but I believe there is no right answer because every situation is different. The bottom line is, think about others but think about yourself, too. If this is a good friend of yours, be careful, you don't want to lose a friend over a passing fling. On the other hand, if your friend is truly OK with it, this "fling" just might be worth it.

    By Liana5801, Maryland, United States

  • It's never too soon

    When your spouse dies, you may feel alone and grieved. As a widow, you should openly express your feelings as this will help the healing process which begins with the pain of loss. There is no "right" way to mourn, and no time frame for mourning. Some mourners are encouraged to cry openly, talk with others about their feelings, or write things down. You will likely feel and express a range of emotions, from anger, to denial, to shock, and emptiness.

    Never let someone else dictate when you can start dating again after a spouse dies. Ofcourse there are grief periods and it can be difficult with children, but ultimately it is your decision. If you want to date after three(3) months, go for it. It is YOUR life and YOUR choice.

    Contributed by Deesaurus, Western Australia, Australia

  • Keep busy after you've been through a rough breakup

    For most people, getting out of a long term, serious relationship is tragic. No matter what the reason is, the ending typically is upsetting. Even though it may have been the only option.

    The best thing for anyone is to keep yourself busy, whether it be picking up a new hobby, going back to school, or meeting new friends. For many people that I know that are too busy to meet new people, they have to resort to going online to find new people to add to their lives.

    Most people use the word "resort", I personally think online dating is amazing. It's so easy, convenient, and it just saves time and in many cases money as well! When you're at home feeling sad and lonely, and missing your ex you can go online and keep yourself occupied looking at the future instead of dwelling in the past.

    Even if you don't find the person you're going to marry on this website, at least it helped you to keep busy and get your mind off of your ex.

    By Dana_AK, CA, United States

  • Keep your info about Ex brief

    It is normal to be curious about Ex's. I think if asked the question, an honest answer but brief is important. Until you really have communicated enough to know more about the person, then that conversation is ok to have. It can be an indication of the other persons trust factor or if they are the jealous type. Good to know before getting deeper into a relationship.

    By Sexysmile2013, Florida, United States

  • Learn from relationships that didn't work out, instead of dwelling on it

    The best way to deal with the end of a relationship is to consider what you got out of it that was positive and then go forward with that in mind. Maybe you learned something new from your partner, made new friends through him or her, or just had a really good time while it lasted. Considering what the relationship gave you is better than dwelling on what you've lost.

    By inprovence, Provence-Alpes-Cote dAzur, France

  • Leave baggage at the bottom of the stairs

    Everyone has baggage. Even if you think you don't, you probably do. However, while we all have it, either from past bad relationships, or situations we'd rather forget, it's important that you leave this baggage outside the door, preferably at the bottom of the stairs to your new relationship. Don't bring it along with you, it will most likely hamper some aspect of your new and promising relationship.

    Who wants to be dating someone and within the first couple of dates realise how much they're hung up over something, or someone. No one, including you would want that, so try to avoid it! This doesn't mean that you don't be honest about what you want and things that hurt you in the past and what you want to avoid, just don't make it about you being bitter, that's sure to be a big turn off for any new prospect.

    By ijackie2015, Barbados

  • Leave the past in the past

    A new relationship is a fresh start to let someone into your life and should be cherished. Bringing up the past and going on about your Ex's and the problems you encountered with them stunt your blossoming your relationship from growing. Everybody has a past and it molds them into the people they are today, but somethings should remain in the past and be put behind you. Talk about goals you have achieved and hurdles you have overcome, leave the breakups and ex's in the past.

    By Firefly09, Virginia, United States

  • Look at it as an opportunity to further explore yourself

    It may seem very hard to start over. Do not look at it as the end of the world but as an opportunity to further explore yourself. Take the chance to get insight as to what you like, what your interest are, and what truly makes you happy. Starting over is not the end of the world but just the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

    Here are some tips on how to get over a breakup.

    1. Play your favorite songs (Tip* Do it loudly, sing and dance if you have to )
    2. Go for a walk in the park, clear your head
    3. Take a nice bath or shower
    4.Pick up new hobbies
    5. Keep yourself busy
    6.Work on being a better you
    7. Read a new book
    8.Take a trip (Tip* Getting out of the state is always best but local trips are fine as well)
    9. Get a pet
    10. Go out with friends or family

    Breaking up may be hard but take each day as a new opportunity to do great things. YOU WILL BE FINE!

    By KR1234567, Pennsylvania, United States

  • Lose the Relationship, Not Your Life

    You are a self-sufficient, intelligent female. You are strong, independent and successful. You are someone who can handle break-ups; you can brush the dirt off your shoulder and move on. Or so you thought. Unfortunately, even the best and brightest (and jaded) of us all succumb to post relationship loneliness. Friends are lost, weeknight/end activities stop and annual group trips fall off the calendar. No matter how much we'd like to believe - murmuring "C'est la vie" over a glass (or four) of wine, does nothing to quell the emptiness that some of us experience at the end of a relationship.

    As a quirky, intelligent, realist 29-year-old female, life has always happened around me regardless of relationships or break-ups. My overconfident mantra was simple? Relationships end. Life goes on? You cry a tear, you sing along to a sad love song on the local pop radio station, you drink a bottle of red wine and pen a few cheesey, but nonetheless elegant, love-loss poems. Relationships end. Life goes on. With that said, one can only imagine how devastated I was when my MANTRA flew out the window the moment my relationship of 5+ years ended last year. My relationship ended! Life goes on?

    I used what mental strength I had to bear the pain of losing my relationship. The relationship had, of course, run its toll and the end was inevitable and as a realist, I had thought I could handle the inevitable?. Yet as an emotional female, this inevitable left me inconsolable. When I entered the relationship, I was a 24 year-old girl on a planet of her own. I was a girl who marched, danced and some rsaulted to the beats of a different drum. My boyfriend was not only the CEO of a major company, he was a professional skydiver and BASE jumper; he lead a life of excitement and adventure. I wanted his life. I started skydiving. I made friends with all of his skydiving friends. My life was moving at sonic speed and I loved every fast-paced minute of it. While our relationship progressed and the years came and went, I managed to lose my own identity. Instead of incorporating my life alongside his life in our relationship, I allowed my life to be absorbed into his. We had fun. We had friends. We had crazy adventures and travels. We had our local bar hangouts and our favorite restaurants, and so on. We had everything, and everything was his to begin with. It was only when our relationship ended, that I realized I had nothing.

    My ex-boyfriend started dating rather soon after the break-up. To my overwhelming delight (sense the sarcasm?), I soon found out that he was dating one of my closer female friends from our mutual group of friends. I could not hang out with my old friends (my friends of the past five years) because I would undoubtedly run into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. A situation I had hoped to avoid. In essence, I lost the majority of my friends. I lost my weekend/night activities and I lost my adventurous / travel-based lifestyle. I woke up one day and realized that I had lost my relationship and in turn, I lost my best friend of 5 years. Without the relationship, I had no life.

    It has almost been a year since my ex-boyfriend and I broke-up. I cannot say I am 100% over it. Certain memories still sting when I think back upon the initial break-up, but I have also come to realize a few important life lessons. I encourage you all to heed these lessons, but I know, like so much of us know, it?s much easier to heed a lesson learned on your own than it is to heed a lesson being told, especially by a stranger.

    In my case, I learned that:
    1. you must keep your sense of self alive
    2. you must keep a core group of friends who exist solely as your friends, friends who are friends regardless of whatever relationship you are in or are not in
    3. you must enjoy and nurture your own hobbies and interests. If you implement the above-mentioned steps, you will be creating a lifeline to a post-relationship world. Of course following these steps won't make the break-up less sad or emotional, but following these steps will keep your life moving in the right dire action when (if) the relationships end. In short, forget my mantra, but just remember, when a relationship ends, your life must go on. Do not forget that and you will not forget yourself.

    By bostongirl80, Massachusetts, United States.

  • Make it Easy on Yourself

    The first date after being married for years, or decades, can be so intimidating you avoid it altogether. The thought of eating across the table from a new person, trying to make small talk and wanting them to like you is stressful so take a different approach to the first date: Visit a fun environment like a science museum, an amusement park, a zoo, a festival or event where you have something else to do rather than completely focus on each other. You'll have a constant stream of something to talk about and distractions should the flow of conversation slow.

    You'll be safe in the presence of others and you'll have less pressure to 'work' at being yourself. In addition you have the opportunity to see how this new person reacts in a typical situation.

    Go out there and have fun!

    By IluvCarpediem, Oregon, United States

  • Moving on after a break up

    After a break up with my ex, I was devastated but I worked hard to move on. The best way for to actually move on was to explain to my close friends and family what I had. I also talked to them about my fears of the future, with respect to finding someone new. I found out a lot more people have it than I thought and they ended up either dating me or helping move forward without fear. Now thankfully I feel as though I don't have to depend on my ex for the rest of my life.

    By arkanjel32, Pennsylvania, United States

  • New love won't replace an old love

    I'm a widow and found the concept of dating again quite difficult for many years. I'm young - my husband passed away 2 months after our wedding day, after 2 years of battling cancer. He passed away when we were 27, and it took me 4 years to come around to the idea of even thinking about someone else romantically because he passed away at the peak of our relationship.

    I finally realised that if our lives were to be looked at like a book, I've had many chapters with my late husband (10 years together), and those chapters were incredible. They've shaped me into the person I am today. Next came chapters that were about learning more about myself - not just as a girlfriend, or a wife, or even a Widow... but just me as a person.

    After this - and acknowledging that I am a strong, capable and independent person, is the realisation that with future chapters - whatever happens within them with a new love interest - nothing changes the chapters that have already been written or the significance of them. There are so many chapters yet to be written, and whatever happens in them, and at what pace it happens, is up to you.

    By eskimoL, Western Australia, Australia

  • One way to tell is if you're ready to date again after a breakup

    If you find yourself in the position of dating again after a breakup, make sure you are ready to date again.

    One way to tell is if you never seem to get past the first date and are unsure why. Talk to a friend about your experiences, if you find yourself telling them about how you told your date about the time when you and your ex did... and then you and your ex did... well you may just not be ready to move on. Your new crush doesn't want to hear all about your ex and everything you did together.

    You need to be ready to make new memories. So, take some time, be single. Start a hobby that you have always wanted to take up, read that book you have been meaning to and take care of your heart. You will find yourself talking less and less about your ex and more and more about that crush you have before you know it.

    By babydol, North Carolina, United States

  • Post-divorce/break-up readiness rule of thumb

    After a divorce, we go through a lot of emotional changes. We get through the different phases at different rates, but a good rule of thumb for how long you should wait before getting seriously involved with someone new after a divorce is to wait until you no longer feel animosity toward the opposite sex, have forgiven your ex in your heart, and are not feeling desperate to find someone to love you... It's better to embrace your independence instead of needing someone to complete you. That way, you'll be less likely to carry your baggage with you to the next relationship.

    By NoPlayersPls, FL, United States

  • Put your ex's number on a phone blocker app and more

    Break ups can be depressing. You should talk with friends. Delete your ex's phone numbers and pictures. Put your ex's number on a phone blocker app. Phone and text message blocker apps can be download from android or iphone. You should focus on work. Work can equal success in careers. Overdue vacation can clear your mind.

    By Nerdgrl2016, Virginia, United States

  • Take it slow if you're returning to the dating scene

    Don't be scared to try dating again. If it's been a long time since you dated, just relax and consider this a learning experience. Many folks have been out of circulation for awhile for whatever reason. Start slow, read some ads then respond to some and see what happens. Meet a few people and get some practical experience to build your confidence. Be on time, be well groomed and be friendly. The other person is most likely nervous too. Be honest on your profile.

    You can do it!

    By sahasarala, WA, United States

  • Talking about your ex on the first date

    On the first date, you should avoid talking about your ex if at all possible, as this can be a big turn-off. If you insist on talking about your ex without being prompted to do so, your date will seriously start to wonder if you are over your ex yet. On the first date, it's essential to show that you're focused on the person who's there with you, not on what's happened in the past.

    By Rockchick606, Coventry, England-Warwickshire, United Kingdom.

  • The Ex Principle

    Do not talk about a Ex unless asked about past relationship, it could seem you still have feelings or not over that person and make the other person on date seem like a rebound or that the relationship will go nowhere.

    By JustSmooth82 , NC, United States

  • The First Step is the hardest

    It can be hard... Let's face it... It can be terrifying to start dating again. It is difficult to make yourself vulnerable again; however, with this vulnerability comes lots of possibilities.

    First... Know that you are not alone in this situation. There a lots of people in the same position. It is getting started that is the hardest part. You have to step out on the playing field to get in the game. I am not making light of finding someone that means something to you. I am just pointing out that if you don't open yourself to new people, new experiences, and new possibilities you will still be waiting. Waiting for change, for adventure and waiting for love. Take charge of this moment in your life. Push forward through the past, the pain, the regret, the sadness, the memories, the loneliness...and step into TODAY! Remember the past it will always be with you in some way.... but live in TODAY. If you live in today then you are living your future! And the future holds so many opportunities and possibilities!

    Start slow.... just start talking to people and soon you will notice that you are more comfortable.... comfortable opening up to people....comfortable with the idea of finding love again! Find some people that intrigue you and peak your interest. People that tickle your brain and make you think... It is important to find someone that stimulates your mind as well as your body. (It is important to be able to have a conversation in the morning after a great night of physical discovery and release.) Soon you will notice that one of the people you have been talking to starts to stand out. AAHHHH the first stirrings of lust.... It has been a while since you have felt this.... It is a wonderful icing on your already stimulated brain. Let your Mental and Physical sides start to meld together.... go slowly... remember to savor these moments of discovery. Discovery of this new relationship, of your new feelings both physical and mental. Different than you have ever felt before, new to this discovery.... this living in today. There you have done it! You have taken the first step and you are well on your way!

    Good Luck to you and I hope this helps you a little bit. It was really hard for me to take that step.... it was worth the gamble.. it was amazing to start feeling again. To feel that part of me that had been sleeping for so long.. waking up and coming alive. I know that you will take that first step......

    By cc8888, Augusta, Georgia, United States

  • The Myth Of Being Completed By A Man

    The Myth Of Being Completed By A Man

    Its a sad but true fact that many women feel they are nothing without a man.This all stems from an identity crisis, the sufferers have been in long term relationships or marriages and suddenly find themselves alone because their man has grown discontent and moved on, other sufferers have been in too many short term relationships, bouncing from one man to the next not really knowing what they are seeking.

    The bottom line in both scenarios is that these unfortunate women have lost or given up their own identity and sadly have become an accessory rather than a mate. So desparate to please a man they forget who they are and in so doing lose themselves and their self esteem.

    When going into a relationship it is far better to rush in slowly - take some time to really get to know this man before you commit to a relationship.The inherent problem most women have is that they are swept away in the meeting and first date - that's the difference between men and women - women are essentially romantic creatures who view the possibility of a relationship through rose coloured glasses right from the beginning, whereas a man does not have the nesting instincts of a woman, they are hunters and most of the time think very little of a first date,or even a second and third. Around the time of a third date a typical woman is seeing a long term future, subconsciously making plans for this man to become an integral part of her life but in a man's psyche, a third date is mostly just that -a third date, no names, no pack drill, no commitment, can wander off at any given moment.Now don't misinterpret what I have said - I have nothing against men, in fact enjoy an intelligent and stimulating conversation with a man because you have the opportunity to see a situation from another perspective. What I am saying is that its not all hearts and flowers, one bike ride does not constitute an ongoing state of bliss.

    If a relationship IS entered into, both parties must realise from the start that everyone has a dark side, no matter how forthright, charming or honest they are, that is simply a human condition. Every relationship will have its highs and lows, a difference of opinion can easily escalate to a full blown fight, particularly when both don't know enough about each other to be truly compatible. Therein lies the fatal error - moving too quickly and not seeing past tomorrow.

    Ladies, before you can successfully go into a relationship with a man you must first realise that you are a complete individual within yourself, capable of making your own decisions, listening to and trusting that little voice inside which, whether you like it or not, is never wrong! Always be yourself, do not try to become something you're not, feel comfortable within yourself and for those of a mature age, respect the wisdom of your years instead of lamenting the passing of your youth.

    Learn about yourself and what your character is really all about. Know this - every woman is attractive in some way, for some its physical, for others its emotional,nevertheless taking the time necessary to really get to know a man will reveal to you the reason why this man wants to know you. Should you have feelings that a man is only there because you can be of some benefit, look the situation in the eye,realise its doomed and end it before it all gets too involved and messy.Part company as friends and move on with your life. It is far better to realise it early rather than later.

    The most damaging thing any woman can do to herself is to try to hang on to a man who clearly does not wish to be there anymore. No amount of attempts will be successful, changing your hair colour and style, getting botox shots to appear younger, changing your wardrobe to look more appealing - none of these measures will work. Why? Simply because of two fundamental facts - one, he doesn't want to be there and two, you are not being true to yourself, you are trying to become someone you're not and that sort of pretense cannot be maintained in the long term. He will still see you as you were, before all your changes to your appearance and you will end up feeling totally demoralised and quite foolish for wasting time, effort and money. Don't keep knocking on a door that will never be opened.

    We must accept that cyber partner finding is part and parcel of the techno age in which we live but there is a risk. Anyone can be anyone or anything they wish to be on a computer and offering up too much personal information too quickly is a very dangerous pursuit. Be courteous and cautious in your online activities, remember there is much at stake in dealing with matters of the heart. Should you initiate contact of any kind be prepared to let it go if you don't receive a response.Likewise if you do receive a response that seems a bit shady, nip it in the bud quickly in the interests of your own self preservation. You don't want to end up penniless and emotionally shattered after a brief trist that seemed like a good idea at the time.

    Be kind yet firm where you stand, message each other for some time and learn to read between the lines. Even if you do feel needy, keep that feeling in check and exercise some common sense - that applies to every woman whether she is twenty or sixty.Should you read a profile where, for example, a man is over fifty and has a three or four year old child, that is often the product of a a couple of weeks with a girl who is twenty-something, good looking and trainable - not a good sign.Should you read a profile of a man who is mature in age but has been single all his life is a pretty good indication that this fellow never has and never will make any kind of commitment to a woman or if he has, he has left behind him a string of broken promises and broken hearts.

    The profile of a man that reads as bitter after separation or divorce is clearly carrying around a lot of baggage and probably looking for a porter - do you really want that job?There are a lot of good men in this world just as there are bad, same applies to women.What I am saying is that patience is a virtue that commands time and respect - if you exercise that you will most likely find a partner who you will be very happy with and enjoy a full life.Many people will say that its easy to give advice and much harder to accept it.I agree and practice my own advice vigilantly - yes I've had my share of shady emails, etc and have dealt with same accordingly.

    There is one last piece of advice I have to offer - its OK to make a mistake as long as you learn from it and be careful enough not to repeat the same mistake, and that in itself is the most difficult thing to do.I hope this article has helped the women who have lost their way - even if it is only one, that one woman has made these words valuable.Happy trails everyone.

    By Cuteboots, South Carolina, United States

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