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1. always ask for a real name and Google them, if there really wealthy there will be something on them,
2.Ask for more than one photo, and ask for them to be specific, e.g. you want them to ware a red shirt, or one of them having fun outside, or walking there pet.
3. be suspicions but polite, and ask them questions, but don't grill them you'll put them off!
4. ask to go on web cam, talk to them on there and on phone, make sure its not a pre-recording, people have been known to take a recording while talking to someone else like on chat roulette and try to pass it off as them.
5. I highly recommended having a speed dile so you can contact a friend or police to come help you, or/ and something you can defend yourself with LEGALLY if something goes majorly wrong may not even be the person your meeting up with e.g.go to a club and someone starts something.
6. always have a polite excuse ready and believable to exit a meeting or anything with a person who you are either just not right for, scared or creept out by.And always have a plan to get home if need be.
7. i would really suggest getting a GPS tracker in your phone and letting a trusted friend/ family member have the code so they can see where you are online through your phone,it could save your life, you could get lost or get in the car with the wrong person.
8. always have a curfew time, even if you "ring" someone to change it, it will discourage any fowl play by anyone,
9. always make sure if your relation ship becomes intimate that you both know your limitations and interests, also do ask about STD's and contraception. bring your own condoms alllwayyyss! its not just the man's responsibility!
10. it is best to discus what is expected of you both and allowances and travel arrangements and expenses coverages both before and after you meet, make sure you agree that you both can terminate you relationship at anytime.
11. don't be fooled by anyone wanting and "interview" before being "paid", my best suggestion is so that neither parties are jipd outta there money and time, don't give anyway money or anything, get half of your agreement before and half afterwords.
12. scams! don't fall for sob stories, my daddy is ill, i need to pay for college or they'll fail me... all this can be a scam, if they ask you in the future and you trust them still ask for proof, then it's up to you to decide but it is always a recommend that you never send money for anything over sea transitions before seeing or arranging anything.
By AngelGeck0, London, United Kindom
1st- I make sure to chat for at least a month to make sure i get to know before meeting them and ask the same questions over this period of time...I do this to check the validity of this person. That's how I can tell if he is being true or not.
2nd- if this person is being pushy and wanting to meet me so soon or seems eager I discontinue messaging him...being pushy like that usually means that he most likely just wants an intimate encounter and that's not what I am looking for. It could also mean a dangerous situation.
3rd- If I do decide to meet this person.. I let all my close friends know his name, number, where we are meeting, where he says he lives and works. Just in case because you never know. Also take notes of any red flags or anything he may say that makes you feel uncomfortable. Also when meeting this person take note of body language when questions are asked and eye contact.
Now keep in mind its a date not an interview!
By ladybug2016, San Antonio, TX , United States
Unless you enjoy being labeled as ‘the bitch that destroyed my family', you're not going to enjoy the arduous and pointless process that comes with dating a married man. In all honesty, no one likes to be the third party in a relationship or to be kept as a secret love affair. It wouldn't be the most pleasant experience for his heartbroken wife and neither will it be any better for you. It's been said a countless number of times; prevention is the best remedy. So here are five clear warning signs that you're dating a married man.
1. You have ever been to his house
Naturally, a married man wouldn't want his secret love life being mentioned anywhere near his own home. This explains why he comes up with a million excuses every time you ask him whether you can come over. Either that or he'll just simply ignore your suggestion and give you specific instructions to meet him elsewhere. If he's hiding his home from you, chances are he's harboring his wife and kids in there.
2. He only calls you briefly during specific timings
You'll probably notice that he rarely or never calls you when he's at home. He probably checks in on you when he's walking the dogs, getting gas, picking up something from the store, or calling from any other location that permits him to sneak a short call to his secret lover. It gives him an ample amount of time to delete his logs and cover his tracks.
3. He doesn't reply your texts for hours on end
There's a good chance that he'll dig through his arsenal of lousy excuses, such as getting held up at work or even his phone being faulty. The honest truth is that he can't reply you with his wife in the other corner of the room; it's far too risky on his end. This is why you'll probably notice this happening most frequently during the evening.
4. He only pays using cash
Credit card bills will tip off where he's been in the past month, and that's a big red flag for him since it leads to unwanted interrogations from his wife. So if he's fishing out 100 or 50 dollar bills from his wallet to pay for dinner instead of a credit card, you probably have yourself a taken man.
5. He doesn't introduce you to his friends
No, it doesn't count if you only know one or two of his friends. They're probably the ones working seamlessly together to cover up his tracks for him. If he's not going to take the extra step to make you feel like you're an actual part of his life, it usually means that he's trying to hide you from someone.
By julian123, England, United Kingdom
Once you have exchanged emails, it is time for the conversations to begin in earnest. The following are tips to remember while e-mailing back and forth:
#1. Make sure your real full name is not showing as your signature .
#2. Do not share your personal information with anyone until you are comfortable with them.
#3. Always be cautious, but try not to be too judgmental.
By M_H41errera, Colorado, United States
As someone who has done more than her fair share of dating, I can tell you that it can be hard to avoid an online dating misshape. No matter how good he / she looks in his / her pictures, there is always a chance that he / she could be a phony.
Ask for his / her phone number or give him / her yours before you go on a date. There always seems to be stories of someone who didn't know until the date that the other person was deaf, had a lisp, had a hearing problem, etc. This can be quite a shock to the system on a first date.
Be honest and upfront about what you are looking for in a partner. If you only date men 5'8" and taller, mark that down. Your guy might show up and turn out to be three inches shorter than you because you didn't specify a height requirement. If you want to know whether he/she is clean or not, ask them, what have you got to lose?
Look over their pictures carefully and see if you can see any signs of a date. Better yet look and see if their looks changed suddenly from picture to picture. Use up-to-date pictures of yourself.
Have a backup plan ready to go. Set the alarm on your cell phone and when it goes off, tell your date that you forgot about an appointment you had. This is a much better excuse than having a friend call, which is something that everyone knows about now.
Meet for coffee or a quick drink just to see how things go the first time. If the date goes well-Great! and if it isn't working for you, you can leave right after coffee. Good Luck!
By DeeLish, Auckland, New Zealand
If you are contacted by someone who is in the military, you should do some research to ensure that you are not a victim of a military dating scam. This applies to both men and women, and is something that I have experienced. I am very happy that the MM team responded immediately to my email warning them about a particular user, and I think they take this issue very seriously.
So what does it look like ... an attractive photo of military personnel who can only communicate with you by email because they are overseas on a mission. There is usually only one pic of the person. The person declares undying love very quickly. The communication style is confusing ... sometimes many spelling/grammar mistakes, sometimes sheer poetry. They are willing to relocate because this is their last mission, and they will move to where you live to be with you. Eventually, they will ask you for money, help opening a bank account, an email that you will send to someone on their behalf, documentation, or something like that.
How do you know this is not real? There is a lot of information on the internet about these scams, but this is how I figured it out and avoided serious harm:
1. If there's only one picture, use Google Images to search that picture. You'll likely find it (as I did) as an image on the internet with someone else's name attached to it.
2. Search the name on the internet. It may be a play on something else. Forexample, the person who contacted me was a Marine called "Sgt Rex Michael." Sgt Rex is the name of a military working dog that became part of a Marine Corps, and was written about on the internet.
3. For the parts of the message that are well written and poetic proclamations of love, copy and paste it into your search engine. I found that they came up as part of documents called "Poems for your Girlfriend" or something like that.
4. Ask them to email you from their military email account. They should have one. And they shouldn't have time to be emailing people on a dating site while on mission (most likely).
5. If they ask you for money or anything else, be wary. Don't do it.
I hope that helps you. Luckily, I only wasted time on my experience, but I did feel violated because I shared details about my life with this person before I realized what was happening. Hope this helps others to avoid the same experience.
By Farah123, Ontario, Canada
First - Never, EVER provide financial or banking information to anyone! Most singles have come across the telltale Internet dating scam:
- assisting with an online "contest" or helping to reach a vote count
- providing a credit card for age verification to view a personal webcam
- being asked to either cash someone's check or money order for them
- being asked outright for money
If somebody asks you to "help" them - no matter what the reason, no matter how plausible or sad it sounds - don't do it! Chances are the intention is to rob you of your hard earned cash! This holds especially true for someone you've never met in person!
Second - Use Caution When Giving Out Your Personal Email Address & Contact Information!
It's become a trend for online scammers to move communication away from the dating site and over a free email address (Yahoo, Gmail, etc.) or instant messenger service (Yahoo Instant Messenger, Skype, etc.). The reason being in case their dating profile is terminated along with their contacts, they can still communicate with you and try to push their scam onto you through an "outside" message service.
Third - If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!
Although models, actors and other extremely attractive people want to find love too, and you may very well have lucked out in the attractiveness category with the person you are communicating with online, the saying holds true for Internet dating scams: if the person's photo looks too good to be true, that's because it probably is! As with many things in life, don't judge a book by its cover and always do a bit of investigating to avoid being scammed. Scammers often write in poor broken English and indicate an urgency for you to help them or for you to reveal your private contact information. It is very important that you never send people your personal contact details until you are comfortable you can trust them.
By Dunraven83, New York, United States
When a prospective partner tells you the story that they can't put the webcam on because it's not working, yet the camera icon shows up on messenger / yahoo when you're talking to them, see it as a warning signal. Or perhaps they only put it on occasionally and are constantly looking over their shoulder the whole time. Sure there can be times when things aren't working, but when it seems like it's happening all the time then there is a reason for it. They may come across to you as available, text and call you a lot. But if there seems to always be an issue when it comes to actually seeing them and/or their place through the cam, let alone in person, chances are they are already in a committed relationship and their other half is somewhere in the background completely unsuspecting.
By Creamypeaches, Victoria, Australia
Tread lightly online, and be aware of how you use communication technology
There has been a dramatic increase in identity theft in the last few years. Of course you should be careful about what information you give to someone whom you have never met. This is important not only from a common sense standpoint, but is also a computer security issue.
Be especially mindful about two things--instant messaging and wireless internet. In either case, a hacker or snooper could be reading everything you are saying. So keep the instant-messaging conversation light. If you absolutely must talk about something private, use a secure, encrypted instant messaging client. If you're on wireless internet, a snooper with the right equipment can intercept and read everything you send. So either avoid doing anything but casual web-surfing via wireless internet, and if you must use wireless internet to do something more sensitive, like email, sign up for a free or paid VPN service. Last but not least, make sure you have good security software installed on your computer--a good anti-virus program at least.
By brandenburg, California, United States
Beware of false profiles. Often times pictures can be stock photos and all info included in the profile could be false. Things I've noticed:
1. The person states they are American, born and raised yet the English is far from being a first language based on the writing.
2. Usually there are no specific attributes selected. Beware is every size and shape is OK, every children option is OK, smoking and non smoking is OK.
3. Often times (those seeking women) the men usually work in the construction field requiring them to work out of the country.
4. After the initial introduction on the site, they want to go directly to a chat i.e. yahoo messenger.
5. When you suggest a phone call, they either object to it, or if they don't, the accent us usually not an American one.
Keep these five tips in mind, often times I say in the initial email that I am aware of these things and I never hear from them again.
By madamex1969, Michigan, United States
There are all sorts of comments and positions out there on why people should stay away from online dating. Top on the list is the safety concern. People have met serial rapists and killers online. How about dupes? There are those who only want to separate you from your money, and they are online. Then, you also have those who think dating online makes you appear "cheap" or "desperate".
What are the basics? As long as people have need for affection and companionship, there will always be the need for dating. Those who say online dating makes one appear cheap or desperate are not in disagreement with the position that the need to date exists. They are only of the opinion that the traditional ways of meeting trumps the online method, but I beg to disagree.
Inasmuch as there is nothing tragically wrong with the traditional methods so called, this is 2015, and a lot of social dynamics have thrown up newer and more efficient ways of meeting potential partners. Not everyone wants to do the bar route; picking up total strangers for the night. That carries a lot of risks along with it, plus, not everyone drinks. If you therefore do not drink or smoke, you may not find the bar route very helpful.
It is still OK to be introduced to potential partners, but not everyone wants to do it because some of them think, if it doesn't work, they will get the blame, especially since people have all sorts of values these days and a lot of which may not be known to the "introducer", but which may shock the person meeting the "introducee". It can be a source of embarrassment down the road. At the same time and possibly for the same reason, this pool of people worthy of being introduced is rather dry. It is not the most fertile ground for sowing the seeds of relationships.
There are the possibilities of meeting people while out grocery shopping. Granted that people out shopping may be single, but it is never written on the forehead and not every married person wears the ring. You are therefore left to first wonder if he or she is taken. If you can reasonably deduce they are free and available, then you can make a move; by which time the magic may have passed, unless you both went "grocery shopping" for the sole purpose of meeting someone.
Dupes. How about them? I have always maintained that in order to be duped on the Internet, you have to be foolish, greedy or both. It is wrong to want to reap where you did not sow, or take advantage of others. However, the person who is hoping to assist a criminal to get away with stolen stash and for personal gain is not a saint either. We only get to hear their cry after they have been duped. Who did they tell when they were hoping to make millions off a stranger on the Internet? No easy money anywhere. Work for your money. Don't expect any manna from heaven and you will be free of Internet fraudsters asking for your bank accounts and all that.
I am of the opinion that, given the way the society is, our work schedules and myriad of activities we have choked ourselves with, the Internet presents the easiest and safest way of meeting a potential partner. There are a few sensible steps to take and you can have a ball with Internet dating.
Be realistic. Don't expect too much or too soon. Any form of dating is about knowing the other person, and it takes a while. It is a process. Don't let pressure from family and friends make you do what you ought not to, or enter into a relationship just to meet their expectation. You may or may not meet your future partner here, but you can make other life friends here. People come into your life for diverse reasons. You have other friends of the opposite sex but you are not married to all of them, right? But these are people you can talk to if you need to talk to someone; or call to help you move, if you are relocating; or ask advice about some things you have no clue how to handle. I have made some friends on the Internet over time. We still talk and share ideas. They have no problems calling me if they need help and vice versa. Whatever you do, don't put yourself under the pressure to meet someone and make it work at all cost. I read people's profile and they say it has to be "serious"; "if you are a player, just stay away", and so on. Players will not admit it to you; neither will they stay away because you said so. Just relax and face them with a level head. You are likely to spot them faster that way and what you do after that is up to you. Women often spot players but refuse to let them go because they think they have at least found someone, or they think they are in love.
Unlike the person you met at the grocery shop, every person on most dating site must say upfront what they are looking for and whether it is serious or not. Whether it is the truth or not is another matter altogether, but at least you have a starting point. No guesses. Someone may say they are looking for something serious in the beginning but you found out later that they only wanted to play. Again, at least you knew they wanted something. In other words, those who don't want drenching splashes should not go near the river.
The next thing is to reach out. It does not matter whether you are a man or woman. You see someone that "rings your bell", reach out to them. What is the worst that can happen? It is possible they have not noticed your presence. Don't forget there are a lot of people on the Internet (of both sexes), and contrary to your imagination, the world does not revolve around you. It is your responsibility to make yourself visible to your "target" and others that even you, have not noticed. No one lights a candle, then covers it with a bucket. Be visible.
Communicate. Get talking. I shake my head every time I see people trying to avoid communication even though they are on a dating site. How does that work?! The fastest way of knowing someone is by spending time with them and observing their values. I will say though that, it is foolish to rush to go meet someone you just met on the Internet without first getting to know them from afar a bit. If as a lady, a guy asks for your phone number, you have nothing to lose by giving it. Just make sure it is your mobile phone number. I don't recommend giving your home phone number to a stranger because it can tell them where you live, and you don't want to do that just yet. Mobile phone numbers does not say much, except that you got it from a particular state or province. You can live in Texas and have a mobile phone number from Kentucky; or live in Ontario and have a mobile phone number from Alberta, and so on. It takes a lot to pin point your location using your mobile phone signals, unless you are one of those people asking your apps to trace you and tell people where you are and what you are doing. In that case, you have no reason to want to hide, right? You are already broadcasting your location and activities anyway. In any case, if you are giving out your phone number, it is safer to give out your mobile phone number than your home phone number.
Talk with this person as often and as long as possible, but listen and listen good. Don't get carried away with telling the story of your life and listening to his, to the point that you are not really listening to him/her. You will be amazed at how much people give away about themselves in conversations without realizing it. But if you are not really listening, you will miss out on these very vital clues. So, when you listen, "listen between the lines". As soon as you have gathered enough clues about this person to be able to make initial determination, decide what you want to do. Do you want to take it further or you want to cut them off? If they are not the kind of people you want in your life, let them know that you are not into them, and cut them off. If they call, ignore. Most people with self respect will stop calling if you ignore their calls a few times. If they don't, they just confirmed your suspicion about their personality. The good thing is, no one is able to do you any harm through the phone. We all receive junk calls from marketers and all we do is ignore them, right? Some phones allow you to block them these days. As a rule on my phone, all calls from people not in my address book go to voicemail. Some may think that is drastic, but it is the way I have some peace from anonymous and unwanted callers.
Next, if you feel you are talking to the "right person", and you want to take it up a notch, then arrange a video chat, if possible. There are quite a few of them out there these days. Skype and most web based email clients will let you video chat for free. The purpose of this is to confirm, and to build on what you have learned so far about this person. See about using video chat a few times before the physical meeting. You will be surprised what you can learn about this person through their appearance and surrounding. For instance, this person sounds really nice when you were on the phone with them, and even now on video chat, but for instance, there is a framed picture in the background that says, "I am a proud Satanist". It is up to you to decide whether a Satanist is your idea of a future partner or not. If it is not working for you, call it off.
If you are still feeling this person, arrange a meet. It may sound redundant, but please don't go to their house or bring them to yours, unless you are absolutely sure it is what you want to do. It should not be a surprise that you end up sleeping with each other over the weekend. It is natural. Please don't complain about it afterwards because you saw it coming. You are both grown adults and you were not raped. If the relationship fails after the sex session, be mature and deal with it. You simply could have avoided it by not spending the night at his or her place. A meeting at an open place like a restaurant, coffee shop, park or movie theater is better. Going to each other's place is a step you should take ONLY after you are convinced it is what you want to do, because you know what it might lead to.
If you have noticed something you don't like about this person; which does not agree with you or gives you the jitters, don't downplay it. Don't think you can change a grown person. You are not God. A lot of people have made this mistake and paid dearly for it. If it is not right now, it will not get any better later. If he is already a chain smoker and you don't like to be with one, don't fool yourself into thinking you can make him stop. If she is already a heavy drinker, she may even become a heavier drinker down the road. So, don't start it if you cannot finish it.
Finally, don't take out your vendetta with your last date on your new date. If you allow yourself to be blinded by the bitterness of a past relationship, you are going to mess up the present and be at a disadvantage with the future. It may not sound like it, but there are still well intentioned men and women out there. If you get aggressive with your new partner and continuously compare them with the last person, you might bring out the worst in them. That is your fault, not theirs. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt and let them prove themselves for who they really are.
I have a lady friend whose attitude is, she is looking for a friend. She erroneously believes there are no more good men out there, but she is willing to settle for good friendship. Not a bad start, if you ask me. What is the worst that can happen? If she meets a friend who eventually has what it takes to become a husband, great. If she doesn't, her hopes are not dashed. Either way, she wins. That, if you ask me is the right attitude. All the best, friends…Happy dating.
By "Dexterous" United States - Pennsylvania, United States
As a former Law Enforcement Official, I like to share some tips on posting certain types of photographs. Never show the license plate of your car even if you have it registered to a postal mail box. Your still placing your privacy at risk and could open the door to other problems like: Identity theft, Stalking, Harassment just to name a few.
Another concern is the growing trend of posting children's pictures on social dating sites. Look we all love our children and do wish to showcase our family and the sense of a balanced life. But you also maybe exposing your children safety and innocence to child predators. Don't be native of this concern. Just recently a child was kidnapped in a public mail in Colorado.
This dating site has taken the steps to ensure your safety and enjoyment on it's website. But as a member if you see something that's simply does not look right. Let the customer service know immediately.
By Riverdaleny, New York, United States
Be cautious of posting pictures of your children online. Some people can get infatuated with you and your kids and save your pictures on their page or save them. It may not bother that they have your picture but pictures of your kids can become an issue.
By Creole_Cutie, Mississippi, United States
I wanted to pass on some advice to other woman exploring the on-line dating field:
Last year a man contacted me through a dating site I had joined. I liked his profile/pics and responded back. In his second email to me he right away suggested we should meet for a drink that night. I was not comfortable with that. I told him I would have to correspond through the site first, then progress from there to speaking on the phone for several weeks with him until I felt comfortable enough to meet in person. This man was in such a HURRY to meet me...it was just push, push, push...constantly PUSHING me to hurry up the whole "process"... and he also knew all the right things to say to me. I foolishly disregarded my own rules and got caught up in his whole, " I've been looking for you my whole life" con. The guy was actually saying, "I love you" by the third phone call and he HAD to meet me NOW....he couldn't wait til next week! I again let him push me into meeting him immediately... and the date was awesome. He opened the car door, handed me a wad of cash to gamble with, said we were "gonna grow old together" and next week was taking me to Arizona with him to meet his mom...all very heady and all total BULLSHIT.
My advice is be extremely cautious to any man wanting to fast-track a relationship and HAS TO TALK/MEET/SEE YOU IMMEDIATELY...don't let him rush rush RUSHyou past the important first "baby steps" of getting to know a person via on-line dating. Anyone can be ANYTHING they want on the internet. WORDS ARE CHEAP and profiles are not, unfortunately, carved in stone. And never disregard your own rules! A man who doesn't respect your personal rules doesn't respect YOU. Im sure you can guess the end of my story: the guy doubled the pressure and absolute necessity of NEEDING to 'make love' to 'the one he'd been looking for his whole life'..and I foolishly fell for it...in my own defense I need to add that he was very, VERY good at what he did...he was a CON, ladies. The treatment I received from him after this single intimate encounter was downright horrible. This was almost two years ago and it is still very hurtful, embarrassing and I still have that STUPID brand on my forehead that I put there myself...one more thing: check the man out on Facebook BEFORE you meet him. This guy had several 'pals' that were all over him there and he was also on three other fating sites. Hard lesson for me to learn. So please pay attention ladies and do your homework first. Good luck out there!
By desertbabe85,Maryland,United States
I would suggest girls waiting a guy who is willing travel to your city for the first few times.
First, this is for the safety reason. Second, if a guy really serious about wanting to meet you, he WILL make time to come see you even if he silvery very busy at work.
I have been on this site for a while, I received many many many emails, but only two guys willing to travel to me. One guy is very very nice. The other is not.
However, you eliminate many guys who ARE NOT WILLING TO MAKE TIME FOR YOU. THE AMOUNT OF TIME THEY MAKE FOR YOU MEANS HOW MUCH THEY WANT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU.
Feel free to contact me if you have any other questions. I had a very good experience and also a very very bad one. More than willing to share my experience.
Thank you for reading my advice. I hope this will help you finding a right guy. :-)
By Ready45, Arizona, United States
Never in my life have I once heard from any woman's own lips that she is specifically searching for a financially wealthy man to exploit for her own various purposes. Yet we ALL know they are out there. Don't be fooled! Weed them out immediately. Take steps to avoid wasting precious time and money. Protect your heart! Here are some simple easy tactics:
1. If you have money, do not specifically say so. Do not check the box that says you earn over $100,000. Sure, you might get more dates, but do you really want to waste your time like this with women who are specifically selecting for money? Instead, either check the lowest income level you find acceptable or simply leave this advertising category incomplete or unspecified.
2. If you have money, don't flaunt it! Show up to your rendez-vous location by foot, public transport, or bike. Or drive your crappiest car. Leave your bling at home!
3. If you don't have money, don't lie and say you do (in order to get more dates?). Do you really want to waste your time and little money you have on a gold digger? I didn't think so.
4. Find out what types she's dated or had relationships with in the past. If she has a significant history of dating Daddy Warbucks, what do you think she is most likely used to and desires?
5. Agree ahead of time that you will be going "Dutch". Many women call men "cheap" in this circumstance; name-calling like this is a secret psychological weapon used to "shame" men into spending money on women they know almost nothing about. As I recall, women's liberation began in the 1960s. One would think that going Dutch on a first meeting ought to be a reasonable proposal by this time, 50 years later. If a woman can't handle that, especially on the first "date", she's more likely to be very needy in the money department. Again, don't waste your precious time! This is an excellent test/filter.
6. For your first or even first couple rendez-vous, doe something that doesn't require much if ANY money. A coffee, beer, lunch, or simple walk in the park, a picnic, or walking the dog. Full-blown dinner and drinks is a massive expenditure of time and money on someone who is of unknown character. Keep it simple and be patient! Often, the "mercenaries" will weed THEMSELVES out after growing impatient after only 1 or 2 dates!
7. Finally, especially as we grow older and accumulate various assets as well as liabilities, prenuptial agreements become increasingly important. Even if you're head over heels in love, a simple prenup is still a sound and totally reasonable idea. If she truly loves you, she will want to work something out ahead of time, as long as it's reasonable. If she balks, it's time to do some more exploration via discussion or even a credit check. Actually, credit and background checks aren't a bad idea up front either.
I've had many friends get crushed emotionally and financially because they weren't cautious enough and did not take steps to protect themselves. It's tough out there now, economically. And many people are in various states of desperation. I think it's wise to be cautious in this area to avoid future heartbreak.
Be cautious AND have some fun guys!
By Oregon, United States
When you make the decision to join a dating site, not only do you make a financial investment, you invest in your future! Learn to be savvy in identifying profiles and behaviors that may be deceptive.
When you see a profile photo of a hot guy or girl that looks like a model agency headshot, stop for a moment. Take note of whether or not there is only one photo. Scammers often use fake photos that are too good to be true. Frequently, they cannot access numerous photos of the same person.
Secondly, if you decide to chat with this person, be aware of the kind of language/wording that he or she uses in the conversation. If the profile says that the user is in the United States, yet they use phrases and terminology that doesn't sound familiar to your country's culture, you may be chatting with an individual whose motives are not honorable. Also, be wary of people that say that they live in one country, but are in another doing contracted work. If their job sounds like something out of an Indiana Jones movie, it is probably not the real thing.
Lastly, and most importantly, be very wary of any individual that makes a request to chat with you on Yahoo immediately after gaining your attention through a chat window on the site, or through e-mail correspondence. If you proceed, refrain from clicking on or accepting any links presented to you! If you do make the mistake of doing so, and later find that you cannot access your account (even though you are entering the correct user and log-in information), change your password immediately! Notify customer service and place them on notice that your account may have been phished. In the coming hours, take notice of any inquiries to your account by other members that are responding to a wink or e-mail that you did not send. If you find this to be the case, notify customer service that the security of your account has been compromised. Allow them to handle the situation and follow their guidance on what to do next.
Be cautious when meeting people online by keeping your emotions in check during the initial meeting stage. Best of luck to all and enjoy this exciting time in your life!
First of all, you study your prey.
Ever thought about why the women are on this site looking for younger men?
We are socialized to look for men who are a few years older then us, so why have we suddenly changed our minds about that? The definition of a cougar is "women in their 40's or older who date significantly younger men, generally at a 10 year age gap or more". This is a stereotype which does not fit all the women who you will meet on this site. Most of these older women are confident and successful, and are tired of unromantic and narrow-minded men their own age. We all have our personal reasons why we are attracted to younger men and some indeed prefer the young ones while others look for someone more closer to their own age. What we all want (and need) is a man who is romantic, broad minded, thoughtful and energetic. So forget the cougar stereotype, and think about the women on this site as just women. If you are interested in dating and/or having a romantic encounter with an older woman, please treat her like a human being and not as a stereotype.
Make a selection based on your and her preferences.
Do you know what you are looking for? Is it casual sex, a short fling or a long-term relationship? Knowing what you want will help you to figure out what kind of woman you want to spend your time and energy on. On the site you can find all this information if you take the time to read the profiles. If you are looking for casual do not waste your time on women who have no mention of that in their profile, do not contact women who say they are looking for long-term. It is so irritating to be contacted by men who obviously have not read the profile. If a women has indicated clearly she is not interested in men younger than 40 years old, you should not contact her when you are not yet 40 years old, even if you think she is attractive.
How to make first contact and not scare her away beforehand.
If you are looking for a long term relationship with a mature woman, it is important that your profile mirrors your intent. Make sure you have a minimum of three photos, all of which are different and have your eyes and head uncovered. One is a close up from your, smiling, face. The second one is a full body shot, wear clean clothes that show your personality. Do not dress up especially. If you are comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt, wear them but make sure they are clean. The last one is another one of you but for example sitting somewhere or doing something you like. These are one of the lures you use. What scares women away is a profile that is almost empty. It looks like you do not want to make an effort and so a woman will immediately ignore your attempts to contact her.
Are you after casual and/or short term? Your pictures should show off your good looks and physique and your profile needs to be clear about that too.
On this dating site you can not approach a woman beyond sending a wink if you are not a gold member. If you are really serious about finding a partner through this site, you should really consider getting full membership. Naturally you can first look around as a free member but if you see ladies you like to get to know better, it is advisable to invest in a one month subscription.
When you get the opportunity to chat with the woman of your choice,whether she makes the first move or you, make sure you have something to talk about. Ask her open questions and be open and honest yourself. If she asks you what you would like to talk about, do not answer with "anything you like" it gives the impression you are unsure and indecisive. Be creative, you are not talking to a 20+ woman but a mature woman who has developed a bullshit meter and the moment this meter starts to tick you lost you chance to make a good impression. She will not give you a second chance.
Your first hunt did not go as planned.
Be prepared for rejection and accept it gracefully. If you approach a mature woman and she rejects you, don't be a jerk about it. It's okay to be disappointed and to even express your disappointment in a polite or witty manner; it's not okay to call her names or threaten her. If you hunt you will sometimes shoot and miss. Just regroup and start all over again.
Learn from your mistakes and try again. Prepare, observe and learn.
Eventually you will be able to get close enough to see the white of her eyes.......
By Calantha, Gelderland, Netherlands.
I have been a member of MM for almost four years now, I have traveled to meet men in person from California to NYC.
My first advise is to google the guy, if he is a millionaire most likely you'll find some information on him on the web.
If he jumps to talk of sex on the first phone call chances are hes looking to get laid and not for a serious relationship, if he is divorced ask him how long its been since the divorce was final- if he starts on a rampage of how much of a bitch his exis- hes not over it.
If he calls you a gold digger- remind him that the name of the site is Millionaire Match and if he is so concerned about women cheating him out of money maybe he should try a different site. BTW- if you are a gold digger chances are you wont find what you are looking for on this site anyway.
On the occasion I do make the trip to see if there is the right balance of chemistry, compatibility and drive to make a long distance relationship work, I have a few hard and fast rules I never stray from;
He pays for the ticket, if I'm going to travel he should be just as invested in meeting. I wont do lay overs (that's just a personal thing, but when traveling alone you don't want to risk being stuck in another city or have to spend 12 hours traveling to meet this man)
You have control of the ticket information and can change the return flight to an earlier (or later, that's never been the case for me but who knows) flight.
He sends me his home address (usually you can verify this online through the county site he resides in) , his place of work or the name of the company he owns (again you can confirm this online typically), work and cell numbers and email address, a brand new pic with him at work or in his home.- Then be sure to give all of that information to a close family member or friend, call often to check in with that person and let them know where you are staying, when you get to a restaurant excuse yourself and text or call to let that person know where you are, if you go to a club- same thing- keep someone informed about where you are.
He pays for a private (meaning only you are staying the night) hotel room- get the confirmation information and make sure you are the only one who has key card access, use the bolt at night.
Lets be honest here- you don't know this guy and its going to be your first date, do you really want to be getting ready in his home?? Also you are making it clear that sex is not to be expected, of course what ever you do is up to you but let it be your choice. No one needs to travel across the country to have sex he shouldn't expect it to happen just because he paid for your expenses (that's called prostitution, and I'm sure there are better sites for that then MM).
You can play this one by ear, but be very careful about going to his home alone on the first visit, if you do, excuse yourself go outside and call a family member with the address you get off the house.
Keep your drink with you at all times, in your hand or in your sight, if you go to the bathroom take it with you, if he thinks that's strange- who cares- its not worth getting dossed!
Make sure you have some cash on you for any emergencies, and a credit card in case you need to use it for anything that may come up.
As far as the date goes; my policy is that the man pays, I'm old fashioned that way, I don't expect any shopping sprees, but I do expect to have the door opened for me, my chair pulled out and for him to be respectful of me. When he asks me where I want to go, I always say its your town you pick (he picks he pays) I never order expensive bottles of Champagne or wine, I leave that up to my date. I never drink more than two cocktails, its unattractive to get drunk on a first date and you are not as in control when you are intoxicated. If he drinks too much, don't let him drive- at least don't get in the car with him.
Most importantly, trust your instincts, if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable just leave, get a cab and go back to the hotel, women's intuition is a powerful thing, don't let your feelings of having to be polite over ride any strong gut feelings that something is not right with the situation.
Lastly, make the most of your visit- even if the guy is a jerk you can always go site seeing alone or do something fun, you packed a bag, spent a lot of time traveling to get there at least get something out of it!
I know this may sound negative, that's not my intent, I am simply offering my personal advise to ensure as much as you can that while searching for love of whatever you are in search of) that you don't get hurt in the process.
If the man is a stand up guy he will understand and not be offended by your actions. If he gets offended, ask him what he would want his daughter to do if she were to go visit a man she was interested in getting to know but didn't really know at all? (it doesn't matter if he has a daughter or not, the point will come across).
Don't let paranoia keep you from having a great time but use common sense. If its meant to be, taking things a little bit slowly wont hurt that from happening. If it's not the right fit, don't feel obligated to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Go for it girls, but be in control! Good luck to you all and I hope this helps keep you safe and gives you the confidence to take a leap and travel to meet someone you feel might be "the one".
By Duchella, Minnetonka, Minnesota, United States
I am not a member at the moment so I don't know what others have written but I'd like to share my experience with you. How does and attractive, intelligent, strong and confident woman become a paranoid, suspicious and accusative investigative harpie? lol By thinking with my emotions and my libido instead of my head.
I've been intrigued with younger men all my adult life and I have been trying to find something that really works for the past 10 years. I have been fortunate enough to share time with 3 young men whom I will never forget, despite the inevitable difficulties. In my forays into the world of online dating I have discovered that without trust and honesty, the Internet provides an easy place to hide the truth if one so desires. Once a trusting woman, I have found that things are not always as they seem so I have learned that protecting myself is the most important step I can take to feeling secure and confident in a relationship. I am married, and honest about it and I know that my situation does present some limitations for someone wanting constant contact. It is not always a fair situation to someone wanting a lot of attention and ego boosting. Protecting my family is extremely important to me and although it has never been threatened by my activities, it is always a concern as well.
Here's my experience with deception. I met a very young man on this site 6 years ago while he was still in college. He was shy and sweet and naive and very intelligent and very handsome. I was the luckiest woman in the world. lol. It did not occur to me that he was anything other than what he presented himself to be so I missed the red flags that were there from the beginning.
#1 His profile was hidden, he contacted me by finding me through my aim IM screen name. #2 His last name was odd, and when I asked if that was his name, he said it was now but that he had changed it from something else. Along with a too long, elaborate story that somehow explained it. #3 He was vague about personal information when it was time to arrange where to meet, like generally where he lived, his schedule and availability. #4 He was sometimes enthusiastic chatting online but other times moody and abrupt and log off suddenly mid conversation. He often seemed distracted and preoccupied with something else. He ALWAYS had what sounded like a logical excuse for all his actions. He was inconsistent, sometimes driving me crazy with incessant texts to my phone and the next day acting like my text was an intrusion on his busy schedule. And I was unreasonable to expect anything different. And he would drop off the map for 2 months immediately after every time we met! Hot and cold to the extreme.
However he was gorgeous and cute and sweet and most of the time seemed determined to make me feel like the most special woman on the planet. In the beginning anyway, of course. lol. So I became delusional where he was concerned and by the time the truth was obvious, it was too late, I was hooked.
Over time I discovered his real last name when he was forced to email me from an account that included his name (with logical explanations, of course), he had a girlfriend on and off, and that from the beginning and through the 6 years there were many other women and games going on, despite the fact that for some time he continued to to lead me to believe I was the only one. All this was confirmed by a young woman he knew that he introduced me to, who knew about his activities and attitudes even before I knew him. Smart move on his part. lol. Never put 2 women together to compare notes! I never had an issue with him having a girlfriend, but multiple 'MILFs' to feed his ego didn't work for me, especially when he ignored me until he became bored with them. (But he really didn't like the idea of me seeing anyone else. lol.) He said unkind things about me to other women, yet would always protect me and stand up for me when push came to shove. There are too many examples to list and it's embarrassing to know that I was such a trusting fool. None of these would have been issues if I had known the truth and was free to make my choices based on honest communication. We became extremely connected anyway, he returned to me regularly with sweet apologies and excuses many times but the trust deteriorated. I developed some Internet savvy and he became angry when I would catch him in his lies. He was running out of ways to get away with his sneaky behavior and not happy about it! He told me I wouldn't be able to text his phone anymore, (I had never called without an ok from him and rarely texted him first anyway) because it was now a work phone, he couldn't receive texts, pictures or send. I would have to wait for his texts. Eventually I found out this wasn't true, when he suddenly wanted pictures sent to his phone. Ha! He said his 'personal' life was none of my business because he wasn't interested in mine and basically the relationship turned around and became all on his terms. The only interest I had in his 'personal' life was how it affected when and where we could meet, protecting the secrecy of our relationship and how he treated me. I never knew his actual address, where he worked or much of what he had going on until I read it in an announcement recently. The relationship continued for 6 years but the fights were brutal and the damage was done and although we are still 'hooked together' (his words) we could not get past our mutual suspicions again. I let him go many time sand always, within 2 months, he would contact me again. He continued to underestimate my intelligence and lie to me about things that didn't even matter. What I thought was the final battle occurred a couple of months ago. Harsh things were said by both of us and a couple of weeks later I got a one word email, 'sorry'. I knew I could no longer deal with his games and deceptions and said and did what I was sure would be unforgivable, to close the door for good. A month later he sent me an email that he had had a dream about me and I knew where this was going. However, he was unaware that I had seen his engagement announcement posted the previous day yet he was trying to set up a meeting without understanding this change in his situation was something I needed to know. I wouldn't lie to someone I wanted to be intimate with about being married, and I expect the same consideration.
I know now the series of events that led to this sorry ending started with the first lie, and that the action/reaction cycle could never be stopped and the blame was on both of us. I am not claiming to be the victim, my responses to his lies are not something I would necessarily be proud of. I lost the strength to walk away because I didn't want to give up the good with the bad. We are clearly addicted to each other in an unhealthy way but I have finally learned that this broken thing can't be fixed no matter how much we both wanted it to be.
I am a little bitter and a lot angry, mostly with myself. I lived a 6 year lie and at my age that's a big deal! Time and opportunities were wasted by lies and manipulation. We knew eventually this day would come and we both always wanted thing to end on good terms and with good feelings. I am happy for him and wish him all the best but I am sorry that he is continuing with his shady business, even now. I feel jaded and that what little innocence and naivete I still had at my age has been taken away from me. We both hurt each other many times and forgave the other for the awful things we said and did and although I'm leaving feeling a little damaged and cynical, I have many great memories with him and won't regret the time we spent together. I am sorry that, in order to avoid temptation, we can no longer talk. Since I am looking for special guy again I am not so damaged that I don't believe in making a great connection with someone honest with integrity. Like many other mature women I have a tendency to be nurturing and giving, especially where someone younger is concerned. I am 6 years older but I am wiser. And I now know it wasn't just me, he lied to all of us, including the woman he plans to marry. Validation that I'm not crazy! :-) He never understood the demoralizing effect his behavior had on me and eventually I was no longer the woman he had been attracted to initially. The physical desire never changed, but I was as annoying as a teenage girl!
I have talked to many younger men during our off periods and have discovered that it is very difficult to determine the honesty and integrity of someone hiding behind a monitor. For both parties. A little suspicion might not be a bad thing in this situation. The potential for being hurt emotionally and physically, for anyone in our position, is always there when we meet new partners, but even more so when it can be so anonymous. People come and go, they fade away without a word, then reappear. We're probably all guilty of taking advantage of the lack of responsibility this forum affords us at some time. It's too easy to walk away. I'm not talking about scam artists and serial killers here but regular people who hide behind the control offered by an anonymous connection.
There are some ways to protect ourselves without becoming stalkers. And if anyone protests your caution, let them go, they're probably hiding something. I had one young man become irate and abusive when I asked for his last name before we could meet. He called me crazy and a stalker but later realized that in my position, as a woman alone with a strange man, I was only making some logical effort to protect myself and that I was not trying to steal his identity or the money he didn't have. He googled me though, to check me out, and I guess that was ok. lol
This is advice for men and women. Anyone can be deceptive. When we lead someone on with false expectations we cannot expect them not to react when they are disappointed to discover the truth. You can protect your physical safety if you're just looking to hook-up but protecting yourself emotionally is more difficult. There are obvious ways to protect yourself and these tips are posted on many sites including this one so I won't repeat them. Some of these things I have done, some I will consider if I ever meet someone again who raises doubts in my mind before I allow myself to get swept off my feet again.
Trust your intuition. Listen to it and if things seem off, don't ignore the signs. The Web offers many resources to verify information without having to do anything as extreme as a background check. And if you ever feel you need to do a background check on someone before you meet them, maybe you should keep looking. I'm not suggesting you thoroughly investigate everyone you talk to or meet, but if something is not right and you're determined to make plans, do some simple things. Start by Googling them. You don't need to be invasive but maybe you can find a picture or something that verifies what they are telling you. Look at facebook and myspace or other social networking sites. These are public sites and if anyone has a problem with you looking, unless they already have a private profile, maybe they shouldn't be on there. You don't need to read every comment or check out all their friends,just see enough to make you comfortable they are the person you want to know. Check some of the other online dating sites. If they're posted on several of them and what they're looking for isn't what you want or what you were led to believe, then let them play somebody else.
Learn! Educate yourself! Many younger men have excellent online skills. You should too.
Set up an email other than the dating site so that communication is somewhat traceable. Don't give your full name until you are comfortable and remember that he can trace your location (city only) too if he wants so be honest without being too revealing. A little mystery is hot, lies aren't. Be careful with your personal information and obviously don't discuss your financial situation. I have been fortunate enough to have avoided being scammed that way but a friend of mine has just declared bankruptcy partially due to her trust in her 60 year old vanishing lover. They only chatted and emailed through a dating site, so now that he's deleted his profile, changed his cell number, moved, and deleted all traces of himself from all networking sites, she can kiss her money goodbye.
Learn about ip addresses and how to accurately trace his location from an email. That way if he emails some afternoon to tell you he can't meet you as planned because he's stuck working late you can find out he was actually at home online instead, probably on the webcam, at the time. lol Chat on yahoo or aim. There are sites that will allow you to see if someone is online but is hiding from you. Why would someone block you? If they're too busy working to talk, why are they online? Not to talk to you apparently! Question and verify. If you don't know how, find out. If all you want is a hookup just protect your health and safety. Maybe that's why so many people only one a no strings deal, it's easier but it's not enough for me. I won't give up on finding my partner-in-crime. :-)
I must sound crazy. I was never paranoid and never a stalker. But there is such a thing as being too trusting, and I was. I continued to believe the lies because I was too emotionally invested by the time I realized what was going on and if I had been smarter I would have enlightened myself much sooner when walking away was easy. I have chatted with a few guys that seemed off and actually found a posting about one by another woman. lol. Big red flag. His explanation didn't ring true so I saved myself the time and energy it would take to deal with the bs and drama. Or this woman did. Thank you!
I would never condone following someone around, showing up at their house or work or violating their privacy in any way that is illegal or threatening. But if you are truly determined to establish some kind of relationship with a 'stranger', go with your gut and do a few simple things to put yourself at ease. If you have to do more than that, they're probably not going to be worth the drama. Unless it's something extreme or frightening, by all means give them the opportunity to clear up any misunderstandings but NEVER let anyone try to tell you that you are crazy or a stalker and do not have the right to protect yourself because you want the truth.
This has been very long and with more information than possibly needed. I don't want anyone to think I am a psycho, lol, so I felt I needed to include my experience to make my case for self preservation. I consider myself fortunate that the only bruises I got were to my heart and my self-respect and I'm looking forward to being more like the person I was before this relationship. I don't like checking people out, it goes against my nature. Ask my kids! But I have learned that I can deal with feeling a little creepy a lot better than I can deal with feeling exploited and hurt. These are not the days we're dating a friend of a friend or someone's cousin. We need new resources. We don't have to make ourselves open books, but a little mutual honesty, where it counts, would go a long way to making satisfying contact with someone. Maybe if we handle our next connection with respect and understand that we're all dealing with the same unknowns hopefully we can all relax and have some safe fun. :-)
First, honesty is the best policy. It's better to speak the truth than mislead someone. Eventually it will prevail & acquire you more respect.
Second, if a potential match / friend is being too pushy personal or aggressive & is making you uncomfortable, say so immediately. It is nice to consider other peoples feelings but you also have feelings. Trust your instincts.
Third, communicate more via internet before giving your phone number. Take your time!Valuable friendship & love doesn't happen instantly.
Fourth, never give financial or personal identification information to an online date or instant recipe for Identity Theft.
Fifth, never give your home / work address to an online date. First & possible second date should always be in public. Although sometimes embarrassing it's good to let someone (friend or family) know you're meeting a stranger. It's easier to walk away from a date than having to call law enforcement into your personal space.
Sixth, when traveling to meet an online date always again tell someone you meeting a stranger & give them your dates name & contact information. If possible, also give them a copy of your itinerary. Always have your separate accommodations. If your date goes sour, you're not left out in the street without a place to stay. Not pretty & very degrading / embarrassing. In conclusion, always have a plan B. Again take your time & trust your instincts. It's better to be safe than sorry!
By GHM36214, Texas, United States.
|Meeting someone over the Internet can be a scary proposition. You have never met this person before - you don't work with them or go to church with them, so you have no idea what their mannerisms or personality is really like. Chances are none of your friends or family know this person. There are several ways to make sure you protect yourself until you get to know this potential partner better and I'm here to offer a few pointers.|
|1. Start SLOW! Do not rush into meeting for the first time. While the person may seem attractive, you don't know who you are talking to. People can anyone on the internet. Talk ONLY through the dating site for a month. Be honest! Remember, honesty is the best policy - its no less than what you want from them.|
|2. Set up an alternative email address using Yahoo and purchase a TracPhone. When you first decide to give this person your email address/number, have them contact you there. If the person turns out to be dangerous it is easier to shut these down than to change your real email/number.|
|3. When you do meet, have several DAYTIME dates in public places. Lunch is a great first couple of dates. Make sure a friend knows where you are going/how you can be reached/who you will be with. EVERY TIME. Casually make sure the person you meet knows this - have your friend call you at the start of the date and inquire about what you are doing.|
|Following these few rules can save you a lot of heartache and possibly save your life.|
|By laurelli, Virginia, United States|
Look for Questionable Characteristics in Your Communication As you chat via email and on the phone you may be able to start to pick out characteristics of the other person. Are they controlling? Do they seem to anger easily? Do they avoid some of your questions? These can be questionable characteristics that tell you it's time to move on.
Ask for a Recent Photo There's nothing wrong in asking someone if their photos are recent. If they don't have a photo, request a recent one. It's important for you to get a good look at the person you may eventually meet. Plus your instincts from your communications and their photos may provide you with valuable insight into the person. Plus, if they tell you the photo is recent and you meet and see a major difference, then you'll know the person lied and can cut the date short. If a person lies about their photo or profile then that is a red flag to no longer pursue the relationship.
Stick With Paid Online Dating Services Free online dating services provide a greater opportunity for potentially dangerous individuals. They don't ever have to provide a credit card or other information that identifies them. There is some truth to the saying, "you get what you pay for".
By bellav37, Virginia, United States