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Finding someone you think is the "perfect" match can be an emotional charge. Before getting your hopes up, or believing he/she is "God's plan" for you, always keep in mind that dating is rarely successful on the 1st or 2nd try, and that a broken heart is not the end of the world. You should go into the "dating game" with the mindset that (re-)discovering true love is worth the risk of heartache and disappointment. Be prepared to bounce back, knowing that "the one" is still out there.
By NoPlayersPls, FL, United States
Who cares! Everyone fails in life. A true failure is someone who doesn't try. Don't be afraid of the pursuit. Yeah you may get turned down several times, but eventually you'll catch someones attention. Don't quit before the miracle happens!
By phil41373, Massachusetts, United States
Internet dating can be very frustrating. One week you can recieve several messages, and another week you might reieve none. Be patient and wait for the right one is very important! If it does not work out for the current one, there are tons of opportunity for another one in the future. NEVER beat yourself up. It is NOT your fault that it did not work out. People want different things in this website. Realize that there are many guys and girls still looking on this website.
By shushandmimi , Arizona, United States
I have heard this so much from males and females. They start talking to someone and suddenly one person disappears without a word. Leaving the other person clueless as to why they were just dropped. Whether you met someone else or are just plain uninterested it's at least polite to say something as to why you no longer wish to talk to someone. There are plenty of kind ways to politely back out of future conversation.
By Shalako23, Texas, United States.
Make sure that you feel comfortable with the person! You can google their name and use other sites to verify their identity! Check pictures and make sure they aren't fake! Ask questions more then once and check for same or similar answers. You can never be to safe when meeting someone online!
By justmebeinme1987, Illinois, United States
We understand that people wish to recieve a reply from a sent message as soon as possible, but sometimes this can lead to temporal unresponsiveness. Do not take it personally if someone is not responding to your messages right away. It's situations like this that can lead to parinoia, profile stalking, and sometimes harassment. Things like this can get you fined or kicked off Internet dating services. Remember, your email could just be one of dozens being sent to this person. Just keep positive thoughts in your mind and let time fill the void.
By VenomRavess, Ontario, Canada
When a relationship doesn't work out, take a little time to grieve the loss of a dream/great potential future. Then, evaluate what you learned about yourself, about the ex, and about dating, in general. From these evaluations, you should be able to add to a running list of wants, needs, and things you won't ever accept again. Learn from the experience(s), then go on living.
By NoPlayersPls, FL, United States
If you sent dozens of winks and haven't got any responses you might consider a different approach. Take the time to read a profile, carefully. It can often change your perception of the person in a way that photos just don't. Then spend a few minutes thinking about what you find interesting and what that person might find interesting about you. If you found the profile funny or intriguing, say so and explain why. A good conversation by email is a great way to set the stage for a real live conversation or a meeting. Establishing an early rapport or not, can maximize the chances that if you do meet in person, you'll want to do so again.
By fitfunand47, California, United States.
Entering the unknown world of online dating can be a bit daunting. You may have left a recent relationship and are on the road to healing. Or perhaps your experiencing "empty nest syndrome" and are ready to embark on the dating adventure. Others simply don't have time to try the more conventional styles of dating, most typically the dreaded "bar scene". Welcome to the most exciting and efficient way of meeting that special someone.
When entering into the online dating world, consider this, when holding positive expectations, you set yourself up for a potentially wonderful and exciting journey. There are many like minded people seeking an honest authentic person to make that special connection. Look at this as a fun and exciting time for you. This is your opportunity to open your mind and heart to the possibilities of love. It may happen quickly or it may take some time. You may encounter some amazing people and perhaps even develop some new friendships. Entering into this process with an open mind and positive expectations allows you to have positive focus. With positive focus your end results are certain to be nothing short of fabulous.
By blissfulllife,MA, United States
As we all know dating online has become more and more popular because the demands of life are elevated and it seems easier to check off your checklist when you can see a face, match compatibility based off of what their profile says, and check proximity while your at it. But there's ups and downs to online dating, and coming from someone who has tried both I have a first hand opinion on the experience.
It's a fact that people are spending more time working and less time socializing, so what we use to know as "traditional" dating isn't the most convenient. It's so time consuming trying to coincidentally meet a person who's your physical type, with morals to match, lives in an area you're willing to commute or move to, all while complimenting your lifestyle!
There are a lucky few that make that happen, but let's just be honest, that isn't the easiest when you don't have time to try to find your lucky coincidence, especially when you have to go through that 99 times just for one potential...so online dating gives you that option to filter out your perfect match from the rest. But online dating isn't the easiest either and from my experience there are a lot of mock profiles that score an A on paper, but in person, the dater averages about a C-!
So i'll give you my ups and down of internet dating, this is just my experience, but understand yours may be completely different.
UPS- You usually can see and read a profile so you can identify if that person matches what you're looking for, If you're looking for someone to meet locally, in an other regions, a particular ethnic background, etc, you're able to filter that out to make your selection more confined, you might meet a person you never saw yourself talking to in everyday life but they may turn out to be your perfect match, you've read their profile before the date so in person it's easier to make conversation because you've already gaged similarities and differences so breaking the ice is much easier, and you both have a cute secret of how you met online so it's a little instant connection that no one really knows about.
DOWNS:People's photos can be edited or downright not be them so in real life they may not look like they do on their profile, People also lie in their profile to seem as perfect as they can be, but in person they show who they really are and it doesn't match your presumed expectations, flakiness; some will exchange numbers and talk you to death but when it comes to meeting up, excuses come up at the last minute and now a virtual stranger has your number, and safety, you never know if the profile is a scammer praying on your emotions, financial gain, or personal identification.
All in all you want to always be safe, if you do finally meet up, chose to go out during the daytime, in a public place where you can keep it casual if need be and you're protected, at the end of the day there are a lot of predators and scammers out here, but whether you date traditionally or online, a true romantic will find their match, it just depends what works best for you. I'm open to both, if it's right it's right, but don't view online dating as a "Taboo" look at it as another potential opportunity to meet the companion, best friend, love of your life, and future partner you'll get to grow old with, or age finely with :-)
By BluJaye, California, United States
I've always been obsessed with reading dating articles. My friends always come to me asking for my dating advice. So I noticed a recurring theme to all questions I've been asked: Why aren't they attracted to me?
The answer is simple: To be attractive to someone else, you have to be attractive to yourself.
This isn't about looking good to yourself. You're always going to think that you need puffy-eye-reduction or a tan or whatever, this is about FEELING good.
If you perceive yourself as too fat, too neurotic, too wimpy, too whatever, others are going to see you that way, also.
And I'm not the only one who thinks this. Remember when your grandmother used to say: "In order to be loved by others, you have to love yourself first?" Yeah, didn't think Nanny Jane would have a point, huh?
By queenfury, Virginia, United States
Gone are the days when placing an ad in the Lonely Hearts Column of the local newspaper is something to be embarrassed or ashamed about. We now have Internet dating sites springing up all over the world and it has become a lucrative industry. So how does this compare to the traditional way of meeting and dating and do the same rules apply?
First of all we have the initial impression stage. The saying goes ' you only get one chance to make a first impression. In the realm of Internet dating you are going to be judged in a very different way than if you were in a social setting.
People who are dyslexic, or have issues with spelling and grammar fall at first hurdle right away. If you met someone in the traditional way, it may take you months, even years to realize that this person cannot spell and so this would not have been a factor in that all important first impression. However, apply that to on-line dating and the same person could be dismissed immediately and written off as unintelligent, uneducated or worse. If this applies to you, familiarize yourself with the spellchecker on your computer.
Then we have the issue of what you actually write in your profile. We all have an idea of what we will make us happy and what we would prefer to avoid, but sometimes putting those things on a profile can give an impression that we are ONLY looking for one thing. A good example of this is someone who states that they are looking for a long term relationship or marriage but the rest of the profile consists of a list of sexual preferences. Sexual chemistry is important, but does this issue really need to be raised before you even know someones name? It may never get as far as meeting in person let alone meeting in the bedroom! There is a time and a place for everything and a natural order in which things unfold. A profile that is purely sexual in content is saying ONE thing : I am only looking for sex.
I feel that there are two kinds of people on dating sites. Those who use the site as a place to make initial contact, are open to quickly moving on to meeting in person and developing a relationship, and those who are not. The ones who are not have no reason to be honest. They will add a few inches to their height, claim to weigh much less than they do, use pictures that range from being someone else entirely, to disguised with baseball caps, sunglasses, taken from 15 feet away or even taken 20 years ago. Some just do not post a picture at all.
If you click on a profile and find pictures of genitalia, that says way more than ANYTHING they may have written in the profile. In some cases it call also be an indication of deep insecurity when someone feels that the only attribute they have are large breasts! It will take FAR more than that to sustain a relationship. The only time that is not a major red flag is if YOU are purely looking for a sexual encounter.
So how do you filter the real from the fake? How do you decide what to believe and what to dismiss? Which questions do you need to be asking and what are the red flags?
Rule number one is a buy a web-cam, speakers and a mic. There is no better way of seeing what someone REALLY looks like and hearing what they SOUND like, than to see and hear them LIVE as they are RIGHT NOW. If they are reluctant, then consider it a red flag. It could just be that they are shy or self conscious, but could also be due to not being the person in the pictures or looking very different today than they did when the pictures were taken. They could also have odd body language or gestures or even a speech impediment. Better to know all of this BEFORE you come face to face.
A web-cam also reveals other secrets. They could live in poor conditions, have poor personal hygiene or dress in a way that would not be attractive to you. The camera is remarkably revealing.
Have you spoken on the phone? Was it a land line or a Mobile phone? You can tell so much by talking on a phone. Within 5 minutes of a spoken conversation it can reveal so much. It can decide whether or not you will want to carry on conversing with this person. Because if the conversation flows at a natural pace and the topics discussed move progressively then you know where things will go. If the conversation is slow and awkward or very little is said then that could be an indication that the person is not for you.
Be honest. If you are looking for some idle chat on the Internet to pass the time then that's fine. However if you are hoping to come face to face with someone that you are chatting with you must be honest. I can think of nothing worse than showing up to meet someone for the first time and being shocked to find that she was 4 inches shorter than she claimed to be. The same thing applies to anyone meeting me. Arranging to meet someone for the first time is scary enough without the added burden and knowing that they will suddenly see that you were not who you claimed to be, and could have shock and disappointment written all over their face. This is even more important if a long distance is involved.
So if you are 180lbs then BE HONEST, don't pretend you are 120lbs. If you have some illness, disfigurement, disability or condition, then its far better to be upfront about it BEFORE you arrange to meet someone than to have them take one look at you and walk away. You waste your time, their time and create a great deal of embarrassment for all concerned.
Finally we come to the issue of distance. The most significant way that Internet dating differs from traditional dating is that it opens up the whole world. This has advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are that you have far more choice and therefore are more likely to find a potential match. The possibilities are endless, IF you are open to them.
It can also be an indicator of intention and sincerity. Sometimes people will say they are seeking ' Mr Right and then insist that he lives in a 25 mile radius of them. So do they mean Mr Right or are they talking about his brothers Mr right NOW and Mr Right HERE. Sometimes, this can be an indication that someone wants a casual encounter, friends with benefits or a one night stand. No one is going to invest time and money in travel if they are looking for something casual. This can often be a contradiction to what they may have written in the profile.
This is also where all that geography you learned in school comes in handy. Some people are willing to relocate if they meet the right person. Others are looking for the right person to help them relocate. The problem here is how do you which category they fall into?
That's actually not as complicated as it sounds if you know the difference between the countries that have a similar economy, and civil liberties to your own and the ones that are in the third world or run by dictators.
If you are approached by someone who lives in West Africa, some parts of Eastern Europe, China, former Russian states ( there are many more , those are just the ones that come to mind), then you need to be questioning their motivation for seeking someone outside of their own country. Is marrying you their only hope of escape from a life of misery and poverty? They MAY well be genuine, but you need to clarify that.
If, however they live in a country such as the USA, Canada or Western Europe ( UK, Spain, France, Germany, Denmark, Italy etc), these are all FIRST WORLD countries. The economy, civil liberties, laws and politics are not going to vary to a great extent between them and it is far less likely that someone from any of these countries is going to be motivated by a NEED to escape where they live.
The only real issue here is how good is your geography? Do you know the difference between a third world or communist country, and a country that enjoys the same freedoms as your own? Before you dismiss someone OR become involved with them, do yourself a favor and check it out. You may be passing up genuine happiness or avoiding a scam.
Internet dating can be related to many things... I prefer to call it flavor-or-the- week. This applies to the vast number of those who 'might' be actually looking for someone. I think that with all the options and choices, what appears to be tasteful this week isn't exactly what you're in the mood for the next week. If you find yourself of interest to a really great online match, then as suddenly find they've vanished, don't despair. It's not you... it's them. Move on, chin up. You really didn't want to be their flavor anyway because they don't have one! In the long run, you're bound to find someone who knows what they like, and is thrilled to get the best version of that flavor they can find... you. So whether you're chocolate, vanilla, some exotic blend or just filled with nuts, there's someone out there who will enjoy you no matter what the season!
By LivingbytheShore, South Carolina, United States