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To my fellow women, I have been observing men for a while now, and I believe they are amazing beings, however they are a little lost. You see 50 years ago, men were supposed to have a great career, marry well, have a nice family and provide for the family. Women were the pillars of any healthy life on a man's world. I don't say it was an ideal situation and I am not a sexist/feminist, but that is how it was. And then in the last 50 yeas women have acquired so much independence in such a short period of time that man are somewhat lost on what their role are. And dare I say they are a bit afraid. So in this confusion of nowadays, where men are not sure of what to do and what is their role in a woman's life, and women can have it all without man but still deep down want one (it is ok we are meant to procreate and conquer) there is only one advice I could give: Communicate clearly what you want!
1. Men do not hear our thoughts. If you want him to know, just say it.
2. Men are very practical - say it in fewer key words or show it.
3. Men are sometimes shy and afraid and that could lead to some strange male behavior - don't be hostile, just explain what your likes and dislikes are and it is OK to suggest how you would prefer to be treated/handled. Just ask.
4. Men do not come with instructions book, neither women, so be your own instruction book, make it clear when you like a situation, a sentence, a gesture, and show your dislike in a constructive way for all other scenarios.
5. Don't judge, jump into conclusions, interpret or imagine. Just ask!
I hope this helps, not only in dating as in any job interview.
By Miss_Millionaire, Corse, France
Don't assume that you have the same understanding of the nature of your relationship and its exclusivity. While it may feel a little awkward, in the long run you will be doing yourself a favor by asking your date direct questions about his/hers understanding of your relationship, without creating unnecessary pressure.
By Asana6, New York, United States
The belief that it's important to be approachable when communicating with potential mates streams strictly from experience.
1. Get a feel for your date's outlooks. Ask questions to better understand the levels he/she may currently stand. If it gets awkward, don't shut down; remain open to discuss other avenues. Understanding if your potential mate has views similar to your own can reduce stressful or unwanted nuisances later down the line.
2. When faced with more difficult or unwanted conversations, remain approachable. Don't assume the need to convey a victimized or aggressive role. Just as it's said not to downsize a previous employer, it's just as helpful to restrain from ridiculing a past relationship. Chances are if you choose to do so, your date may question your motives if/when you display questionable characteristics. Choosing not to ridicule can reduce chances that information given about past relationships will not be uninformatively asserted into your current potential relationship.
3. Leave room for one to learn of any positive attributes about yourself. It's always great to share the positives but even better to display those as well. This can possibly encourage a date to WANT to know more about you, reduce simple physical attractions, and help you two engage in more psychological similarities. One cannot force another to see the good in themselves but rather show and hope that an attraction remains on physical, emotional, and mental levels.
It is hoped that this improves ones chances to finding the One. I wish all the best and open to feedback.
By DreamersDream, TX United States
Sometimes it's hard to know what someone's saying, especially in just a few words. I can talk to anyone, and I have done a bit of copywriting in my life, so I know how to read from both sides what's said. But that's not the case with everyone! And that' not a reason to not love them, is it? Some people are better in person than in the written word. They might come off shy or over confident. They may be short with the word, or too long winded just trying to explain. But be patient, if you ask the right questions you might be able to find out more than you think. And if they aren't long worded, don't read into that anything either. It might not be their skill. I know a great engineer, who is absolutely darling when he speaks, but leave him to a keyboard and he just can't speak that way! I also know a great journalist, and unless he writes to me, he's unable to share his deep thoughts verbally. (He's sweet though). So don't always read into something that's just not there, try some typing, and some verbal discussion... and throw in a meet and greet before you decide!
By LivingbytheShore, South Carolina, United States
Sure I may have only been 13 in 1997... but don't you ever miss the days where you'd leave the house for a few hours and the moment you walked back in the front door you went right over to the answering machine to see if you had a blinking number? A message! Someone called!
Not that I am willing to just give up my phone or amazing technology ... I feel that so many people are stuck in this world of disingenuous people.. and we are guilty of being insincere in many aspects of a relationship. We live in a world where we would rather text than call and we would rather order online than walk into the store. Mostly because of our busier lifestyles and the convenience of technology.. however, I do not think that these easy buttons should be a part of getting to know someone, or a part of dating.
Text has no tone.. using and emoji to show our feelings is about as silly as my 5 year old drawing a sad face on her picture because I said no to dessert. ( I usually dont say no to dessert.. I love dessert.. how can I say no?) ;-) Sending an email is easy.. we don't actually have to face anyone and we can say anything we want.. thats kind of dangerous, no? What happened to not saying every single thing thats on your mind because perhaps you're a little shy, or nervous? It seems as if we have let down our inhibitions all together.
Suggesting to someone new that you'd rather talk on the phone or meet in person these days almost makes you sound outdated and crazy. I'm guilty of using texting to get out of an awkward conversation or sending a quick snapchat instead of calling my best friend to keep in touch.. but I'm kind of over it. Am I wrong? Not saying that I'll go back to a home phone with an answering machine or even a flip phone with the snake game on it for entertainment..but dating with new technology these days really seems to make harder than it should be.
I understand that we live in a world with things ever changing.. and fighting it isn't an option. We have to learn to adapt to it all and still be true to ourselves and good to our loved ones. But maybe if we all tried to live like it was the late nineties every once in while.. maybe we could be more successful in our love lives.
By luckygirlinmt, Montana, United States
I am a shy guy and being forward isn't my strongest trait. I have found my most successful encounters have been the ones where we were both open about ourselves and willing to discuss what our wants and needs were. On the contrary, the least successful were where one of us was not comfortable saying what they really felt or wanted.
By Ncbbwluvr, United States
I've been rejected few times and i always ask why. I ask about deal breakers straight away and it is a best way to reject a person based on incompatibility without hurting their feelings. I think giving a person an explanation in a nice way (not saying you fat, ugly or stupid), will help in the future dating. You don't want to hurt someone and make them shy of asking anyone out again: person out of shape, say i would like someone more athletic not attractive, say you not visually my type stupid... have no way of silver lining that one, recommend they read a book or something. Don't be mean or just walk away and never contact a person again. they will be sitting, waiting and wondering what they done or said that caused another person to go MIA. just my 5 cents to contribute
By redplanet2000, San Diego, California, United States
Dating always hold a little bit of awkwardness, we are after all meeting someone who is on one hand a complete stranger yet at the same time we are evaluating the possibility of incorporating them intimately into our lives. That is a fine line to walk. But it is this very awkwardness that sets us up for possible failure as we try to fill every silent moment with something (anything) to keep the conversationalball rolling.
I have come to learn there is something very important to be heard in those silentmoments: your comfort level with that person. The ability to let the conversationlull and not reach for your cell phone or some small talk jump starter allows you toexplore that comfort level. One of the best dates I can recall was when my datetook me out on a local hiking trail to the top of a summit. When we got there wesimply stood there enjoying the view. Neither of us felt the need to fill the emptyspace with conversation. We were comfortable just to be there together.
So the next time you find the conversation winding down, take a moment to enjoy thesilence. It might end up telling you more about your compatibility than starting upanother round of 21 questions :-)
By Corvallis,Oregon,United States
If you have a sugar daddy and he has given you your allowance but there is something else you need, just tell him.
Be upfront about it and be very honest. Ask him in a polite way and give your reason for asking Him for an increase. Odds are if you ask in a sweet manner you'll get what you're asking for instead of demanding it like a diva would and end up having your sugar daddy walk out on you and find someone else who will appreciate them and spoil.
By Nsa_01, Missouri City, Texas, United States
Some relationships seem to go nowhere because the guy or gal does not clearly indicate their level of interest. If you really want this gal or guy to go out with you, ask them right away. If they are not interested in dating you, then move on. Taking weeks to go out with someone is silly and a waste of time. If you met someone at a bar or event, would you communicate by phone for months before going on a date? Of course not, so why do it here? MAKE SURE IT IS A PUBLIC PLACE WHEN YOU MEET AND DRIVE YOUR OWN CAR. Let someone know where and who you are meeting.
By Sprite111, MD United States
It's great to really pay attention to how the other person wants to communicate once you've had an initial email connection. If the woman asks you to call her then sending a text is ignoring what she's asked for in terms of communication. Nowadays, many people text, but texting does not allow you to hear tone of voice, Laughter and find out if this is someone you want to meet.
By natsbmw23, Florida, United States
OK, Guys... you may think you know how to communicate with women, and some of you are wonderful at it. Others not so much.
To start with ... If you tell a woman you are going to call her ... then CALL HER. If she texts you and says, I am feeling a bit emotional now and really would like to talk to you. You probably should text her back and tell her you can talk at such and such a time and then if you tell her that you will call her at that time, then... guess what!? Call her at that time.
When you are in a relationship with a woman...probably any woman... she will appreciate a call anytime of the day or night, even if it wakes her up. Even if it is to say..."Dang, I had a horrible day, can we talk tomorrow?" More than likely... she will understand. You just have to communicate with her on some level and she will be a much happier woman in the relationship.
If you just flat don't know what to say, call her and tell her... "I said I would call, but I really just don't know what to say tonight or today...". The conversation may take off at that point, or you may have to call back tomorrow or in two days... Just communicate that to her.
The main thing is to be honest with your feelings.. (yes, I know.. "feelings"... you do have some - of some kind) and express those feeling to her what is going on. If you care for her and your relationship, you will share with her ... and she should with you as well.
The next thing is to treat her with respect. Not necessarily opening the doors for her and pulling her chair out for her, but basic respect ... Respect that she is a wonderful woman that has survived life this far and is there with you. She has a brain and feelings too. She can be hurt sometimes and you may not understand. She still deserves the respect of just being a wonderful woman.
Just communicate, be honest and have integrity in your daily life. Treat her with respect and do what you say you are going to do. You will be surprised at the response you get.
By Morethanlikely, Bedford, Texas, United States
If your date or partner happens to say something that you don't agree with or feel offended by... Take 10 seconds to think about what has been said before reacting. Women consistently love to test there partners on a subconscious level so always be receptive to what they have said but reply in a calm manner as opposed to showing signs of frustration or anger. These two aforementioned reactions can be a big turnoff for a woman so try to be as composed and in control of your emotions as much as possible. This inherently shows woman YOU are in control of the things you say, think, and feel. Not reacting in a negative or angry manner is KEY to a healthy relationship and is also a highly desirable attribute for a man to possess.
By TantricOrgasms, Western Australia, Australia
KEEP IT SIMPLE & SWEET
Men are Wonderful, aren't they. But let's face it ladies, some of us are just marathon communicators. Let's use what works most effeciently with the men in our lives.
Men are natural problem solvers. And when you're needing to come to solutions & decisions quikly, you simply don't have time to read a manual. That's necessary in times set specifically aside to study & learn.
So ladies, think first...when needing an answer or wanting to reveal something to a man..KEEP IT SIMPLE & SWEET...
(& SEXY whenever necessary)
K.I.S.S.es...you'll come to love these kisses too.
The tools he'll amazingly open up with!
By all4alifetime, Virginia, United States
When having a conversation with a woman in public, keep your eyes on her at all times. Its just like baseball....keep your eye on the ball. A woman needs to know that you are focused on her and not on other people or things going on around you.
By Movingonup, California, United States
Long lasting relationships come from good communication. If you don't communicate how will you know what is going on with your partner or there feelings towards the relationship? Often times a couple may be in the same relationship but they see it two different ways and that is due to lack of communication. Know how your partner is feeling by talking to them, and if you disagree over something don't let it ruin your relationship. Express your feelings but never make final decisions when your angry or even sad. If you are uncomfortable about something your partner is doing such as flirting with someone else talk to them about it.. your partner isn't a mind reader and won't understand your emotions unless you communicate.
By Willowsage, Missouri, United States
I don't have trouble talking to you, I think We all know that communication is an crucial part of our daily lives, whether it is verbal or non verbal.
Weuse words, gestures and sounds hoping that they person whois receiving is understanding what we mean but in the same sense they arecommunicating in the same way. Some barriers that I see can be a problem is culture,gender and and language. Why you may ask because they can be complex but we have the skills to overcome them.
The three thing that iam working to help myself withbreaking these barriers are listening , don't jump tp assumption and mind mymanners. First on listening, we learn to listen with our ears but that is notenough. We have to learn to use our hearing, and sight. Meaning that people usewords and gestures when they talk and we must be aware of this before when we talkto people. Yes it hard and it takes practice. I am still working on it, smile.
Next is assumption, which we are all effected by this. We think we know what the personwill say before they say it. Yes, I have done this also but I now see that cancause problems so I ask questions.
Last is manner, we all can work in this area .Meaning that we come off being rough to a person can make then put up defensiveshield . I know that I have because I felt that way. In my field of work I can notlet these barrier overcome me and I continue working on them daily because I feelthat they hold a important key to my career and life.
Have I learned enough"no", but I am still growing , believing and learning that trying is all part of the process to overcoming these barrier.
By Gisele40, Oklahoma, United States
Donald Trump is famously quoted saying "Emails are for cowards." Although he is an acquired taste, there's a certain truth to this. As a man, when a woman puts her trust in you and gives you her phone number, a man should call, even if it's just a quick call, to introduce himself. It's the proper way to do it, as no doubt any of our mothers, and grandmothers would say. Texting and emailing is fine as a way to exchange information, but calling up a stranger takes a certain courage, and this courage reflects your personality as a man. In the digital age it's become much too common to hide behind a screen. Remember, first expressions last, and you'd want to be remembered as the one who took the first step. It's romantic, and hopefully you and your partner will talk about that first step for a long time.
By sweetswede2000, California, United States
As difficult as it is to date already with getting to know someone. Just when you get that email that you received a message you get a little excited and curious about who this person is. So you respond the email and possible go back forth with a couple of emails and eventually you when you have made the decision that you are comfotable with this person you give out your number only to discover that this male or female only sends you text as form of communication.
As my personal experience I have heard the reason for the texting is: 1. I am kinda shy 2. I dont feel its the right time or 3. I will call you and dont send you another text. I believe youwill never get a feel for a person without a intial conversation to see if you and that person connect. Anybody can give you all the peotics in email or texts. Or that person could be hiding something, its such a waste of time.
If you are looking for something serious if makes no sense to waste each other time in such a way. If a potential friend or mate is really interested in getting to know messages back and forth on the site, emails, and texts will not be the only way this person will want to communicate with you. Yes please remember there are scammers on this site and not looking for your best interest. If you dont feel right about something in the begining it best to trust your gut feeling. I know its hard especially when you have an STD and you feel like when you finally start talking to someone that peaks your interest dont be so down on yourself that you settle for anything you are special in your own right and the wait for someone that can give you what you are looking for is so worth the wait. This is just my opionion and experience and I thought I would share.
By YOUJUSTGOTSAGGD, Tennessean, United states
Women tend to have the misconception that men can read our minds. We will not divulge what is on our mind and expect our significant other to guess what we need. When we do not get our needs met women will blame men and go as far as accusing them of not being attentive!
So the advice here ladies... be clear about what you want and need. Tell your man, be direct, honest and sincere. Men like this. Its makes it easier for them, takes the guess work out and you may be pleasantly surprised how attentive your man can be!
Since7, California, United States