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When you begin a relationship, everything goes good till you have that first disagreement and most likely you won't get past this if you don't agree to disagree. No relationship is perfect, so just go with the flow. Identify the problem and say how you feel while your partner listens. Then give your partner a chance to do the same and admit aloud that you know your partner's stance on the situation. You will consider that and you agree to different opinions.
By MsNeat, Lawrenceville, Georgia, United States
Many customers of on-line dating get frustrated with the typical modes of communication found on these sites. Many men wish to jump right into cell number exchanges or another external texting application. Some men understand the reluctance women have against these external forms, while others take a harsh stand and immediately stop any further communications.
As a female who has had a terrible experience with providing my cell number, I am against doing so again. I have also downloaded several texting apps, but I still am asked to download new ones. Personally, I feel that a little pain in establishing some initial contact is not a horrible thing. That does not mean I want to make your life complicated or that I don't recognize that there are alternative methods to communicate. It only means I want to gain confirmation of interest between both of us prior to jumping through more hoops.
To avoid conflicts on this, setting expectations would be a great thing. Here is my recommendation:
1) online mail is used for the first 1-2 communication sessions - use this to write something new about yourself or ask some detailed questions about the other person. Receiving an email that says "Hey" or "How are you" is not likely to gain someones interest in pursuing further dialogue.
2) if an interest persists after the first couple email then either switch to online chat or setup a face-to-face meeting - don't be intimidated to meet someone in person. It's the best way to determine if you have chemistry or not. Keep in mind that while some people look worse in person, others actually look better, so don't dismiss someone just based on photo's alone - READ the profile.
3) If you have a lag in time before you meet a person, gain some consensus on communications in the interim. I actually prefer not to communicate a great deal prior to meeting someone new but everyone is different. Don't assume - just ask.
By wowzah, Alberta, Canada
Sometimes, in online dating, instant messages, much like text messages can be taken out of context. A way to avoid this, is to beware of misinterpretation. If you like to use sarcasm in your humor, it may not come off that way in messages. You must remember that your tone of voice cannot be heard in a message. Things like being sarcastic or using dry humor may be better if saved for your phone conversations.
By ariesheiress, Houston, TX, United States
If you are shy or want to take things slowly, you have the right to do it! In fact it is important to be careful in choosing your partner/friend. It is important to get to know the person you're interested in carefully, so that you would get an idea of who they are, before going into more serious relationship/friendship, because what happens is that people tend to fall for the looks. Personality also counts!(unless you don't care.) However sometimes being to careful can be really boring to your partner and at one point they may think you're not interested in them and will no longer want to be in contact with you ( this can happen!) so make sure you're careful in choosing the right person, but don't be afraid to have some fun and open up a bit =)
By michaelovich19, Madrid, Spain.
Maya Angelou once said, "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." Applying this quote to online communication helps a great deal in separating the metaphorical wheat from the chaff.
Women especially tend to make a lot of excuses for men, mostly because we so want things to work out, and online communication provides a plethora of opportunities to make excuses for potential dates.
If we are communicating with a man who says something rude, overly familiar, offensive, hurtful, or whatever, it's only too easy to rationalize it by saying, "Oh, I just mistook his tone!" or "It's so hard to communicate without facial cues and voice tone." And while both of those statements are sometimes accurate, let's reserve using them for the rare occasion when the occasion really is *that* difficult to read.
When a man starts out asking how big you are, your bra size, your weight, sexual questions, etc., and ignores getting to know you as a person, guess what? That's not miscommunication; that's a man whose primary focus is on getting you into bed. And if that's your goal, too, that's fine, but don't kid yourself that he's just having trouble expressing himself if it's not.
It is good to give people the benefit of the doubt when warranted, and to ask for clarification, but at the end of the day, you can save yourself a lot of wasted time and heartache by believing people when they show you who they are.
By Looksie, Maryland, United States
Catch yourself from making miscommunication errors before your feelings are hurt. Try to be clear in your written contact, and ask questions to help gauge that the other person understands what you mean. Also - when reading what others have written, try not to assume anything that isn't written. Potential matches won't be offended if you ask questions - and asking is a great way to break the ice!
By Squeaky2001, Kansas, United States
What I've found with online dating is there can sometimes be some miscommunication. These slip ups can range from what you say in your profile headline, to what you say you're looking for, to where you have your location set to, and not limited to numerous other factors like what you message a person or how you respond to someone else's message.
What works for me, may not work for everyone else. However, I've found that a good way to have a clear path to good communication is being upfront ahead of time. For example, one of my headings on one of my dating profiles says in big bold letters that I'm HIV+ ,that I'm not joking (yes, some people think that others would joke about that), and a funny little catchphrase afterwards. A handful of people are shocked, while the majority are intrigued or very welcoming, polite, open to dialogue and on many occasion eager to meet and get to know you. (In my experience)
Its easy to make assumptions based on someone's profile, so being honest and not leaving too much up for interpretation when writing your "about you" details, as well as asking questions if you're curious about someone's post or description of themselves I feel helps to bridge that gap in what could be some miscommunication. Be yourself. There's been a time or two where I saw someone's profile and thought they were interesting and I started to engage with that person in dialogue and saw I was tweaking daily habits to adjust to their time schedule and their personality and we hadn't even met yet! I didn't owe this person anything, but being my genuine self. If we had gotten into an actual relationship, there would have been miscommunication on my end because I was showing him through messages that I was an ideal person for him when honestly if I were being my true self I wouldn't be. If you feel you're speaking about something important, try to reiterate it to make sure the person understands you. I've learned that if someone doesn't make mention of my profile heading that says my status in the first few messages we share, that I need to bring it up to reiterate that I'm not joking. I say this because I met someone through online dating and after a few dates he said something a little offensive that meant he either didn't read my profile like he said he did, or thought i was joking. I brought up the topic after the offensive comment and right as rain he never brought it up because he thought I was joking. That created an awkward moment that could have been avoided if before we met i reiterated that fact that is important to me when looking for a mate, while we were still engaged online.
Miscommunications in online dating has caused for a lot of confutation and occasionally an online dating hiatus for me in the past. Using these few tips have definitely mad the journey a little easier.
By Anonymous, New York, United States
Once you have read someones profile, and are interested in them, you will want to contact them. The intital e-mail does not need to be much more than a hello and something you liked in their profile. What caught their eyes? One of their pictures, something they said about themselves, etc... This is the time you can get to know about someone. It can take several e-mails to know, and don't expect too much information at the start, remember, you just met. But it is important to answer all of the other persons questions, and respond to every e-mail. This shows that you are capable of being a part of a couple. How well you can present yourself at the start will bring out the best in the other person, and that will make it possible for you to know if you are about to have your last first date.
By srbankert, Massachusetts, United States
Try not to assume things about people without evidence. For example, if they do not call you when they are supposed to, it doesn't necessarily mean they are not interested. It could be that they had an accident, or there are some other extenuating circumstances. If they call you later and tell you what had happened, please do not automatically assume that they are not telling the truth. Obviously, if they don't call repeatedly, then you have the reason to assume that they are not interested. Many arguments are started when someone makes up a meaning for an event, and then insists on sticking to what they made up. It's easy to decide or insist that someone is wrong. It's a lot harder to repair the damage to relationships, health, and life caused by repeatedly doing so.
By mountainrunner, Los Angeles, California, United States
An online dating site is a great way to meet new people, but it is important to remember online conversations can be taken completely out of context because there is no tone of voice, or enthusiasm, in the words being read.
It is a good idea to ask appropriate questions that help to determine some compatibility aspects, but once that initial interest is created it is just as important to take the conversation to the other level and talk face to face.
Body language and natural chemistry are just as important as good conversation or common interests when looking for a potential dating partner.
As always, remember to meet in a public place! As well as keep in mind any other safety do's and dont's when meeting someone for the first time. Happy dating!
By SensualScorpio, Calgary, AB, Canada
It is important to understand that no matter how powerful the feelings is, and how exciting the potential is, and all other feelings that may come up within the context of an "Online" relationship. It really starts to become a "relationship" when you sit in a room together eye ball to eye ball. Everything before that is projection on both sides. We decide things based on what we think is true. There is just nothing like knowing someone in person for a few months to actually have the truth.
By valuecreative, San Juan Island, United States
Situation #1: Some men are too immature to be honest and straight-forward with a woman. Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they would call. But they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it "just in case" they get some random urge or reason to call you in the future.Plus, getting a woman's number is a kind of "trophy" to show to other immature men.
Situation #2: They were just looking for a hook-up, and you weren't "fling" material (which is a good thing, unless that's all you're looking for). Oftentimes, men think they just want a woman to be "physical" with. If you're out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often he'll have "hooking up" on his mind. If you meet a guy like this, in his eyes, you're the girl he'd bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he'll want to spend his time with.
By kerryxx, England, Leicestershire, United Kingdom
The biggest hurdle I have found that comes up in online dating is the TRUTH, It does you no good to embellish or keep information away from your future 'someone'. What ends up happening is you are in love with this person and they find out or you find out something that was kept from you and this leads to heartbreak. Trust is a key component in a relationship, once this is broken, you will never get back on track. So please be honest with each other.
By Rnamwin, Lusaka, Zambia.
Coming from where I am (your average joe), there are many great miscommunications that can come from making an honest attempt at dating someone of a millionaire status. Some things that I have found useful to cut back, or possibly eliminate miscommunication include of..
1- State exactly what your are looking for in your profile: if you state exactly what you are looking for in your profile (in example, I have stated in my profile that I am looking for someone that is here to support me emotionally, and financially, but will not expect to be "paid back" in sex.). I find this to help because it gives the chance for the other person to know exactly what they Re getting into, before the conversation starts.
2- Ask the person what they are looking for, a few different times. I have found that by asking the person up to 3 times over a period of time will give a more definite knowledge as to exactly what they are looking for in a date. The reason I recommend asking up to three times is simply because, you don't know what situation the person is in when you ask. They could be frustrated, overjoyed, or even intoxicated. By asking a few times, you are more likely to create an average response. My recommendation is to ask in the morning, mid day, and later in the evening, over the time span of about a week.
By Pierce_Butler, RI, United States
When we meet someone and we think that they are right for us, we at times overlook all of the flaws that we see in the beginning. Those tell signs that they are not the right one. The little flags get thrown under the rug, because it is something so new and exciting we just throw away our own sense of intuition. If you see things in the relationship that you don't like and you don't make it known or set that line where that relationship is going to go, then you are lacking strength to be who you are.
I thought that my love could change the temper of the man that I was with. Then things just got worse and instead of me changing him, my life got changed around. I wish I would have said how I felt in the beginning and it would have alleviated a lot of heartache. Now, 3 years later he has changed, he realizes what I was doing. He don't have that love that is so hard to find, and if we would have just talked it out in the beginning and set the lines of what we wanted in the relationship and not been so timid and afraid of losing something that should have never been ours to begin with, I may be typing a different story. Sometimes though it is just too late. However, I did things in the wrong way. I did not communicate and it is only now I see my mistakes. You have to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly. That is what love is. Think that your love is capable of changing this person, you are so wrong. When you start a relationship you see the person as they are. You accepted every flaw you seen right from the beginning. You can't think that you can change someone. They are not there to change you so be open and embrace and appreciate every positive thing that the relationship brings. If there is something you can't live with, you need to be up front and honest. There are too many really great people to settle for less. "Sometimes it takes a life time to find true love, but I would rather have true love for the rest of my life than the rest of my life in heartache."
Sometimes our circumstances changes us. I hope this will help someone somewhere to stand and be strong and never settle for less. Know what you want and run for it. Never settle for less than the best.
By Sharnelld, Parkersburg, West Virginia, United States
I have almost completely depended on the online community for my romantic interests for the past 5 years since I never seem to bump into the opposite sex unless they are drunk, asking me for money or strangely staring at me. With that being said, I have met up with so many people from the internet, I can't even count them. I always give off the impression that people have known me for years and this puts everyone at ease and makes the experience more genuine. So, try to just think of the person as an old friend and think of the experience as if it was already over and you're looking back and laughing at it. It takes away the pressure and just lets you enjoy :)
By redlligansbu, British Columbia, Canada
Often in writing online it is hard to predict what "tone" a person is writing in or in which way a person means something. So when a simple 'great' could mean 'god your boring' or it could be 'wow excellent idea' etc
A simple statement or word could have many meanings. In face to face conversation the tone a person speaks in tells you what context the word or sentence should be taken.
A easy and quick solution to this problem is a good old =) a smiley tells more then your happy it helps people realise what tone you mean to say things in.
Hope everyone understands, I know a =) has gotten me out of a few potential problems.
By Lonley_love, Rural, New South Wales, Australia
A friend called me one day while at work freaking out. Her current crush asked her to have coffee later and she did not know how to respond. She gave me the rundown of the reasons why this guy was not good for her and then she stated why he was so good for her. She did not know what to do she was scared and asked me for advice. I replied "It's coffee not marriage."
Ladies, sometimes we throw away love before it even has a chance to start. When a guy asks you out it is because he is interested in knowing more about you. Guys have just as many questions as you do and that is why they ask you out. Our rational is not necessary in the game of love. Love has no rule, but it has to start before it can end.
When you date think of it as just that A DATE. Don't think about what is going to happen later, don't wonder if he is going to call; just relax and enjoy.
It is impossible to be yourself if you are so worried about what china will be on the table at the reception. Ladies have some dignity. Use the date to see if you would be interested in him. You are the one that should dictate whether you want to answer his calls.
If all this fails, please remember at least to breathe. Enjoy the moment, he could have asked anyone else, but he asked you. Don't ruin it with your over analysis.
By Grace4me, Hialeah, Florida, United States